Day 4

I just spent an hour+ putting Caleb back to bed 5 times, with tears and fits and all, and usually after such an ordeal I reward my patience with a glass of milk and handful (or 4) of chocolate chips.

I hear him screaming for the 5th time upstairs right now... my blood is all but boiling... my patience is zilch. He started in my bed as a privilege (we move him out when we get up there), he lost that on his first out of bed attempt, second the bathroom light got shut off, third I closed his bedroom door all the way, fourth he lost his nightlight, now I'm on to spankings, and STILL he calls for me. What is he calling for, usually its to tell me something I DO NOT need to know, like his book fell off a shelf, or his pillow fell on the floor, or wondering for the 8th time when daddy will be home. Each time, I tell him he needs to be in bed, and if he asks one more question he will get a spanking and then I ask him, do you really want to ask your question, knowing you will get a spanking, and he says YES?!? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT?!? ARGH!!!

I want chocolate. Bad.

Actually, I want just about anything pretty bad. This is harder than I thought it would be. I know this shouldn't have come as a surprise, drinking lemon water for 21 days is not something I thought would be easy. However, at day 4, with the vast majority of the fast still out before us and my brain consumed by the thought of food, I think its time to make an amendment toward the greater good. I'm not throwing in the towel on the fast by any stretch, but given I still have to feed the boys and Kevin dinner, and he's doing the Daniel fast, I'm sticking with a water fast for every breakfast/lunch, and then will join my family for a Daniel fast friendly dinner and just monitor my portion control so I don't compensate for my lost meals. I was torn between that, and going the route I'd originally planned with staying on liquids and just going for smoothies and juices. Honestly, I think I'll be healthier overall with the Daniel fast, as I would lean toward the 'good' tasting juices/smoothies which are loaded with sugars, where as sticking to the Daniel Fast I can keep it raw and veggies... and I get to CHEW!!!

Now I can focus my brain better on the goal of the fast; praying for some fabulous men and some divine appointments with a couple rather fantastic women!

Balance. I may or may not have mentioned this before, but its my goal to find this in as many areas as my life as possible during 2012.

My brain tends to operate in the extreme, all or nothing, hypothetical's, as evidence by thinking I was somehow prepared to do a water fast?!? I think it's borne out of our society's portrayal of what a Christian is supposed to be. Perfect. It's why the church is lambasted at every turn, because we're not. I tried America's portrait of the good life, graduated college, married the love of my life, was climbing the corporate ladder at a Fortune 500 company, made beautiful babies, and while that's AWESOME, my soul still wants more. So now I'm giving my all to figuring out how to integrate a Christian life into our subverted culture. I'm trying to check off nice and tidy boxes, but there aren't any to be checked off, and trying to be perfect is impossibly frustrating.

Balance... Sometime this year, I will find you :)