Tomorrow, my little man will head off to his first day of Pre-School. Tonight, my emotions are at war over this step... one small step for man kind, but one ENORMOUS leap of faith for a Mother.
Over the past 2.5 years, I've had the privilege and burden of being able to experience essentially every option us 'modern mother's' face. I've been the 'stay at home mom' (without working) for a total of 6 of those months. I was the 'day care drop mom', heading off to my 8-5 for ~18 months while Kevin finished up his degree at UT, and for the past 7 months now I've been a 'stay at home/working mom'.
I've had my heart ripped out, and had to drive away from it, sobbing all the way to work those first weeks leaving Caleb. I questioned everything, worried about everything, doubted everything... There were no two ways around it though... I was the insurance that tiny human needed should anything unforeseen occur, and so it went day after day for 18 months. Pictures and updates from a great provider helped assuage some of the guilt, but it didn't eliminate it.
When Kevin got his offer in Virginia and we thought that meant I was transitioning to a full time stay at home mom, I was excited (while still nervous) as to what that would mean... Would I be enough, could I handle all the demands day in/day out without losing my mind?!? So I doubted, and questioned, and worried. God knew my limits and stepped in, allowing me to, in my opinion have it ALL! For the past ~10 months I've been WITH my boys, if I couldn't see what was going on, I heard it... The mornings I just couldn't function from lack of sleep the night before, an angel would appear around 8am, and I could retreat to the peace and quiet of answering a few (hundred... blah) e-mails that didn't require entertaining. Yet, when I emerged from my funk a few hours later, a tiny hand would be slipping me a freshly minted picture under the door, to which a big kiss and hug would follow when I opened it up to express my delight! All the giggles, cry's, make believe games, crafts, etc... It's been amazing, and I'm so thankful to have been given this opportunity.
When our angel was called in a new direction, I knew I had gotten a little too comfortable with my cush situation, but struggled to figure out what MY new direction was supposed to be. There were two facts at odds with each other: I didn't want to give up my time with the boys and it is CRAZY expensive to live in this area, so giving up a flexible job didn't seem like the answer either.
With Logan still taking two naps a day, a morning Christian pre-school for Cub seemed to make the most sense. I reassured myself it was only 2 days a week, and 3 hours each day, that he would flourish with the stimulation and enjoy the socialization, and after continuing to pray for someone to continue coming around the house, I've found another 'angel' who can help fill in the other days.
However, now mere hour's from driving away from him again, the tears well up and the doubts resurface... but as they do, I'm reminded of a different Mother's face. My mom's. When she dropped me off on my first day of college, and again when I waved goodbye as Kevin maneuvered the moving truck toward Texas.
Tears are o.k. but my doubts are unwarranted. Tears remind us how deep our love for another runs, how they are part of our very being, a part of us we would not trust to just anyone.
My mom trusted God to take care of me, and he has time and time again. So I will place that same trust in him to protect my baby as I release some of the control, and pray that he will flourish.
A woman I look up to has a great saying, "Love Deeply, Hold Loosely", as its our responsibility to give back to God what is not ours hold... while the notion is noble, it doesn't make it any easier to execute!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
"Believe in God"
I'm speechless.
It's going to be awfully hard to write a blog when you have no words... would be the next logical thought... instead, I'm staring at this blank page waiting to find the words, because how can I NOT blog about the most influential thing that has happened to me in a VERY long time!
If you've been keeping up with my Blog at all in the past few months, you are becoming keenly aware of my adoration with the church home we've found. If this bother's or offends you, or tends to illicit what I'll call 'hater' thoughts... you may want to check out now, cause this one is gonna take the cake!
I was raised to "Believe in God". Why the quotations? Because to me, for a long time, it was always that way because someone else 'said so'.... I quoted the prayers that were written for me to say, I gave the right answers in Catechism, I followed the rules... well.... most of them... or tried to anyway... most of the time :) And I thought that was it.... despite the fact I was never satisfied, and had incredibly low self-esteem... but I figured who doesn't have low self-esteem in H.S, and didn't think much else beyond that.
I started going to Young Life in H.S., because that's where the cool kids were going, and I desperately wanted to be cool.... The weird thing was, I listened while I was there, and started making friends with some of the leaders, and went to some of the camps... and couldn't help but think... hey these people are different.... I wonder why? I didn't really pursue the thought much further from that because, well... my hanging out there, or my growing out of my DESPERATELY Long awkward phase... FINALLY resulted in me getting pulled into "The cool crowd", and I promptly forget all other aspects of life in general (including being a good friend/person/etc). The remaining 2 years of H.S. and college passed in a fun blur, and despite having a large network of 'friends', I moved to Texas, with really only Kevin as my best friend, and had fallen out of touch with essentially everyone else after there wasn't a party scene keeping us together.
We found our church in Texas, and friends there, and I was reminded how different life looked for a group of leaders I had met long ago, and how those camps during the summers would change my life briefly to the way I wanted it to be. So we started to attend, and slowly my heart started to change... the have to's, and should's started to fall away and were replaced with the want to's. The friendships lasted LONG past Saturday night, and they became part of my life. The long held belief that faith was just a hypocritical sham, started to chip away, as I realized it wasn't at all about PRETENDING to be perfect... it was embracing the fact that we aren't, nor ever will be, and living happily with the imperfections that surround us.
Then we moved here. Since we've arrived, my carefully crafted comfort zones have been pushed, probed, and stretched to what I originally thought would have been a breaking point, and I'm elated to discover that I'm growing into the room all this stretching has made!
The biggest jump yet, was when one of the leaders at the church asked if I wanted to be a co-small group leader.... I thought that was rather hilarious... and told her my concerns... "Um, I've never done something like this. I don't really have that great of knowledge of the bible. Don't people have to be better than me to be asked to do this kinda of thing? You really want ME to lead someone?!?" I obviously have/had some serious reservations, and I thought she was a little/lot crazy, but I banked on the fact I was only a "co-leader" that took enough of the pressure off that I stumbled through an 'uh, sure, I guess'.
Tonight, ALL of the above, how I ended up at this Starbucks on this evening made sense. One of the girls in our group, who's been asking questions, and just hashing out life with us on our Wednesday evenings over cookies, explained that while she still has a gillion questions, and doesn't understand it all (who does?) ;) said she wants this to be her way of life too....
I was THERE for that!!! It was the BEST reminder in the world of how much my life and outlook have improved since I dropped the quotations from believing in God, and actually decided to figure out what that means, rather than quoting what someone else said it did!
It's messy... it doesn't always, or even that often, seem to make sense... people let you down...I still let people down... I question myself constantly.... but I've never felt anything more REAL in my entire life... and that's what I want... what is REAL!
Talk about a kick ass way to start of the Lent/Easter season.... That little comment was for those haters that may have made it all the way to the bottom... Yes, amazingly enough you can say all that, and still say its pretty kick ass... and I'm pretty sure God would TOTALLY agree! Like I said, pretty sure... don't take what I'm saying as the truth... figure it out for yourself! ;)
It's going to be awfully hard to write a blog when you have no words... would be the next logical thought... instead, I'm staring at this blank page waiting to find the words, because how can I NOT blog about the most influential thing that has happened to me in a VERY long time!
If you've been keeping up with my Blog at all in the past few months, you are becoming keenly aware of my adoration with the church home we've found. If this bother's or offends you, or tends to illicit what I'll call 'hater' thoughts... you may want to check out now, cause this one is gonna take the cake!
I was raised to "Believe in God". Why the quotations? Because to me, for a long time, it was always that way because someone else 'said so'.... I quoted the prayers that were written for me to say, I gave the right answers in Catechism, I followed the rules... well.... most of them... or tried to anyway... most of the time :) And I thought that was it.... despite the fact I was never satisfied, and had incredibly low self-esteem... but I figured who doesn't have low self-esteem in H.S, and didn't think much else beyond that.
I started going to Young Life in H.S., because that's where the cool kids were going, and I desperately wanted to be cool.... The weird thing was, I listened while I was there, and started making friends with some of the leaders, and went to some of the camps... and couldn't help but think... hey these people are different.... I wonder why? I didn't really pursue the thought much further from that because, well... my hanging out there, or my growing out of my DESPERATELY Long awkward phase... FINALLY resulted in me getting pulled into "The cool crowd", and I promptly forget all other aspects of life in general (including being a good friend/person/etc). The remaining 2 years of H.S. and college passed in a fun blur, and despite having a large network of 'friends', I moved to Texas, with really only Kevin as my best friend, and had fallen out of touch with essentially everyone else after there wasn't a party scene keeping us together.
We found our church in Texas, and friends there, and I was reminded how different life looked for a group of leaders I had met long ago, and how those camps during the summers would change my life briefly to the way I wanted it to be. So we started to attend, and slowly my heart started to change... the have to's, and should's started to fall away and were replaced with the want to's. The friendships lasted LONG past Saturday night, and they became part of my life. The long held belief that faith was just a hypocritical sham, started to chip away, as I realized it wasn't at all about PRETENDING to be perfect... it was embracing the fact that we aren't, nor ever will be, and living happily with the imperfections that surround us.
Then we moved here. Since we've arrived, my carefully crafted comfort zones have been pushed, probed, and stretched to what I originally thought would have been a breaking point, and I'm elated to discover that I'm growing into the room all this stretching has made!
The biggest jump yet, was when one of the leaders at the church asked if I wanted to be a co-small group leader.... I thought that was rather hilarious... and told her my concerns... "Um, I've never done something like this. I don't really have that great of knowledge of the bible. Don't people have to be better than me to be asked to do this kinda of thing? You really want ME to lead someone?!?" I obviously have/had some serious reservations, and I thought she was a little/lot crazy, but I banked on the fact I was only a "co-leader" that took enough of the pressure off that I stumbled through an 'uh, sure, I guess'.
Tonight, ALL of the above, how I ended up at this Starbucks on this evening made sense. One of the girls in our group, who's been asking questions, and just hashing out life with us on our Wednesday evenings over cookies, explained that while she still has a gillion questions, and doesn't understand it all (who does?) ;) said she wants this to be her way of life too....
I was THERE for that!!! It was the BEST reminder in the world of how much my life and outlook have improved since I dropped the quotations from believing in God, and actually decided to figure out what that means, rather than quoting what someone else said it did!
It's messy... it doesn't always, or even that often, seem to make sense... people let you down...I still let people down... I question myself constantly.... but I've never felt anything more REAL in my entire life... and that's what I want... what is REAL!
Talk about a kick ass way to start of the Lent/Easter season.... That little comment was for those haters that may have made it all the way to the bottom... Yes, amazingly enough you can say all that, and still say its pretty kick ass... and I'm pretty sure God would TOTALLY agree! Like I said, pretty sure... don't take what I'm saying as the truth... figure it out for yourself! ;)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
March Madness
March Madness has taken on an entirely new meaning at the Alspaugh household.... more precisely I would refer to it as March 'Metro Group' Madness! Every semester the church coordinates a plethora of small groups (aka: Metro Groups), in a variety of areas/interests. There are groups that get together for dinner out/in once a month, interest groups that span the range from Book clubs, Holy Yoga, Self Defense, The Biggest Winner (same premise as 'The Biggest Loser', but with a nicer name ;), Mommy Mixers, etc... and the traditional Bible Study Discussion groups spanning a range of topics.
This semester the church has a total of 51 different options to join, and between Kevin and I, we have signed up for 7! We literally could have something FUN to do, EVERY night of the week... to prove my point below is what our typical Spring Semester week looks like:
Sunday: Church and a couples group, "Sacred Marriage", (that has childcare... I'd be lying if I didn't say that was what got us into the group originally last semester ;)
Monday: Holy Yoga, talk about the most relaxing way to spend your Monday night EVER!
Tuesday: Kevin is on the Facilities Team, doing "Man stuff" around the building
Wednesday: I co-lead a Mom's Group for Mom's with young kids (but we leave the kiddos with the dad's in the evening, cause let's face it, if we didn't, we'd never get to talk to each other!)
Thursday: Sisterhood/Brotherhood = We each get one Thursday a month to go hang with all the girls or all the guys.
Friday: We host a game night once a month, and also have signed up to check out a few of the other potluck dinner groups.
Saturday Mornings: Kev heads out to the Men's "Wild at Heart" group, and me and the boys generally have a play date with one of the other mom's who has a husband in the group.
Am I crazy??? Well... yes, but we determined that long ago, so it may be a moot point now. Did I just exhaust YOU by taking you through our events? It's really not as busy as it appears, and there is still plenty of time for Kev, I, and the boys to hang out as our own little unit. The fun interest groups are quite flexible, and its not an obligation you MUST attend every week, more of an awesome option, if/when we find ourselves stressed, in need of a break.
I just LOVE to be in the midst of things, to be surrounded by activity. Activity that I can jump into, and get swept up in at a moments notice, or pull out of just as easily for a little breather. However the above does explain my lapses in Blogging as regularly as I had started out this year ;)... When you're busy having so much fun, who has time to tell the world about it!
Well, now you know what we are up too.... what's been keeping you busy this spring?
This semester the church has a total of 51 different options to join, and between Kevin and I, we have signed up for 7! We literally could have something FUN to do, EVERY night of the week... to prove my point below is what our typical Spring Semester week looks like:
Sunday: Church and a couples group, "Sacred Marriage", (that has childcare... I'd be lying if I didn't say that was what got us into the group originally last semester ;)
Monday: Holy Yoga, talk about the most relaxing way to spend your Monday night EVER!
Tuesday: Kevin is on the Facilities Team, doing "Man stuff" around the building
Wednesday: I co-lead a Mom's Group for Mom's with young kids (but we leave the kiddos with the dad's in the evening, cause let's face it, if we didn't, we'd never get to talk to each other!)
Thursday: Sisterhood/Brotherhood = We each get one Thursday a month to go hang with all the girls or all the guys.
Friday: We host a game night once a month, and also have signed up to check out a few of the other potluck dinner groups.
Saturday Mornings: Kev heads out to the Men's "Wild at Heart" group, and me and the boys generally have a play date with one of the other mom's who has a husband in the group.
Am I crazy??? Well... yes, but we determined that long ago, so it may be a moot point now. Did I just exhaust YOU by taking you through our events? It's really not as busy as it appears, and there is still plenty of time for Kev, I, and the boys to hang out as our own little unit. The fun interest groups are quite flexible, and its not an obligation you MUST attend every week, more of an awesome option, if/when we find ourselves stressed, in need of a break.
I just LOVE to be in the midst of things, to be surrounded by activity. Activity that I can jump into, and get swept up in at a moments notice, or pull out of just as easily for a little breather. However the above does explain my lapses in Blogging as regularly as I had started out this year ;)... When you're busy having so much fun, who has time to tell the world about it!
Well, now you know what we are up too.... what's been keeping you busy this spring?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
They Say....
They say a child's curiosity should be stimulated and nurtured. They say the developing mind of a child is a beautiful thing. Albert Einstein said, "The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results". I say.... "THEY" only observed children for the purpose of publishing a study that would make parents question their very sanity?!?
We've entered the never-ending land of "Why". It starts at 6am and doesn't end until 8, sometimes 9pm, depending on just how inquisitive Cubbie is that particular day. A typical morning may start as follows:
"Is the sun up yet? - Cub
(me, barely conscience and mumbling through this entire interchange)
"No, go back to sleep"
"Why?"
"Because if the sun's not up, neither are we"
"Why?"
"Because we need our sleep"
"Why?"
"Because I'm tired"
"Why?"
"Because you wake me up too early"
"Why?"
"I don't know... can you please just lay down..."
"Why?"
***Silence***
"Why?"
***Silence***
"Um, hey Mom"
***Silence***
"Mom"
"What Cubbie"...
About 4 mili-seconds from that moment he will come at me from a different angle, with a new line of questioning, and generally about 15 minutes after that I will concede losing the battle to stay in bed.
Today, our day ended reading a 5 page card board book, with likely less than 20 words in the entire book. It took us the better part of 10 minutes to read that one book. It went something like this:
"Paul the police car drove down Main Street" - Kev... page 1...
"Where's he going?"
"Down Main Street"
"Why"
"Because that's his job"
"What are those people doing"
"They are standing on the side-walk"
"Why"
"Because they're watching Paul drive by"
"Why is that lady waving"
"Because she wanted to say hi"
"Why's that boy wearing a red shirt"....
And so it went, page after page after page....
Sometimes we get the very same question 19 times in a row, and despite answering the same, answering different, ignoring, going with the stand by that you swore you'd never say "Because I said so"... it never ends, the results never change, and slowly, question by question, our sanity is chipped away.
I try to bolster my patience by reminding myself that all these questions will result in my child undoubtedly being a genius... But then I listen to some of the answers I give him.... and I know better. My kid will be the one in first grade defiantly upholding his claim that the sky is in fact purple, because his mom said so, at which point I will have to come clean that after trying to convince him it was blue the first 20 times, I got bored and made something else up.
They say, at some point all parents will lie to their children.... THEY are right!
We've entered the never-ending land of "Why". It starts at 6am and doesn't end until 8, sometimes 9pm, depending on just how inquisitive Cubbie is that particular day. A typical morning may start as follows:
"Is the sun up yet? - Cub
(me, barely conscience and mumbling through this entire interchange)
"No, go back to sleep"
"Why?"
"Because if the sun's not up, neither are we"
"Why?"
"Because we need our sleep"
"Why?"
"Because I'm tired"
"Why?"
"Because you wake me up too early"
"Why?"
"I don't know... can you please just lay down..."
"Why?"
***Silence***
"Why?"
***Silence***
"Um, hey Mom"
***Silence***
"Mom"
"What Cubbie"...
About 4 mili-seconds from that moment he will come at me from a different angle, with a new line of questioning, and generally about 15 minutes after that I will concede losing the battle to stay in bed.
Today, our day ended reading a 5 page card board book, with likely less than 20 words in the entire book. It took us the better part of 10 minutes to read that one book. It went something like this:
"Paul the police car drove down Main Street" - Kev... page 1...
"Where's he going?"
"Down Main Street"
"Why"
"Because that's his job"
"What are those people doing"
"They are standing on the side-walk"
"Why"
"Because they're watching Paul drive by"
"Why is that lady waving"
"Because she wanted to say hi"
"Why's that boy wearing a red shirt"....
And so it went, page after page after page....
Sometimes we get the very same question 19 times in a row, and despite answering the same, answering different, ignoring, going with the stand by that you swore you'd never say "Because I said so"... it never ends, the results never change, and slowly, question by question, our sanity is chipped away.
I try to bolster my patience by reminding myself that all these questions will result in my child undoubtedly being a genius... But then I listen to some of the answers I give him.... and I know better. My kid will be the one in first grade defiantly upholding his claim that the sky is in fact purple, because his mom said so, at which point I will have to come clean that after trying to convince him it was blue the first 20 times, I got bored and made something else up.
They say, at some point all parents will lie to their children.... THEY are right!
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Work-Out is WORKING!
So it's been roughly a month since that first day those little old ladies schooled me at the gym, and I'm thrilled to say I'm starting to see results! Wahoo!!! Talk about the best motivation EVER, fitting in a size I haven't seen in almost 2 years! This work out kick, hinging on the end of the Daniel fast and the flu bug situated directly in the middle of the month, may have had something to do with the drop in pant size, but I'm telling myself it was all the hard work ;)
I took the boys to Nordstrom's Rack, originally just for a reason to get out of the house, but when I found a pair of Calvin Klein Capri's in a size 6 (yes... I just said SIX!!!), then checked the price tag and they were priced down from $50 originally to $12 (yes... I just said $12!!!) it changed the trip dramatically from let's look... to let's see what else I can find :) I walked away with two major successes. The first, obviously being SIX... SIZE SIX.... (can you tell... I'm a little excited), the second, being a super cute shirt, originally priced at $168 (seriously... who would pay $168 for a shirt?!?) and I got it for a steal of a deal at $19!!! So now I'm anxiously awaiting spring, which hopefully in D.C. is right around the corner, so I can debut my new capri's and cute shirt!
Next stop is Vicky S's, with a gift card from mom, as I've accepted the realization that no amount of working out is going to lift or tone the pathetic droopy sweater puppies my two beautiful Piranha's have left me with. They are now basset hound sweater puppies...
I took the boys to Nordstrom's Rack, originally just for a reason to get out of the house, but when I found a pair of Calvin Klein Capri's in a size 6 (yes... I just said SIX!!!), then checked the price tag and they were priced down from $50 originally to $12 (yes... I just said $12!!!) it changed the trip dramatically from let's look... to let's see what else I can find :) I walked away with two major successes. The first, obviously being SIX... SIZE SIX.... (can you tell... I'm a little excited), the second, being a super cute shirt, originally priced at $168 (seriously... who would pay $168 for a shirt?!?) and I got it for a steal of a deal at $19!!! So now I'm anxiously awaiting spring, which hopefully in D.C. is right around the corner, so I can debut my new capri's and cute shirt!
Next stop is Vicky S's, with a gift card from mom, as I've accepted the realization that no amount of working out is going to lift or tone the pathetic droopy sweater puppies my two beautiful Piranha's have left me with. They are now basset hound sweater puppies...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Worrying About 'Tomorrow'
This post probably would have made more sense if I had written it yesterday.... but yesterday I was so worried about 'tomorrow', I couldn't manage to compile my thoughts!
I work out of my house, yet on Monday I STILL e-mailed my boss, telling him I 'wasn't coming to work'... Can you do that when you work out of your house??? Well, I did and the world is still turning, so we're gonna take that as a positive sign! Over the weekend, both boys contracted the flu, and with it 11 loads of laundry, and 6 baths in 3 days. Then I got it... BAD! Then Kevin got it... Bad! I am now out of laundry detergent, and have given serious thought to creating a Lysol holster for my belt!
Tuesday. I'm catching up on work, praying both boys don't relapse, and we make it to 2pm when the boys head down for their naps, and Tonya, the woman who helps our world go round, is about to depart. Tonya has been a God send these first 6 months we've been here... The boys adore her, we trust her implicitly, she has helped to make our transition seamless. Tonya has goals for her life, and its become clear to her that an 8-2pm chunk of time M-F doesn't leave much to realize those goals in.... so now we are in limbo with her. I fully support her finding what it is that will make her happy, but can't deny there is a selfish part of me that had grown comfortable with our routine.
Enter my Facebook post from Tuesday Night: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for it will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own" (I Googled it after the fact, and learned that verse comes from Matthew 6:34)
Yesterday I was worried about my family being sick, losing an amazing care provider for my boys, launching my first small group (today: Wednesday) as a co-leader (SUPER Scary), the house hunt we've just begun, and all the financial changes that will result in.
Yesterday I worried about a lot, and it did me NO good. None of my circumstances immediately changed as a result of my worry, it pretty much just festered, grew, and ultimately robbed me of a good evening. So today, I'm not gonna worry. If I look over the last 10 years of my life, all I can see are the little ways God stepped in gave me more than I could have hoped for: Meeting Kevin, majoring in Supply Chain, Moving to Austin, Dell, UT, Gateway Community Church, Caleb, Logan, internships for Kevin, offers/options, Oracle, and now DC, and our new church family here. There IS a plan, I just need to practice a little faith... WAY tougher to actually execute than write about!
I work out of my house, yet on Monday I STILL e-mailed my boss, telling him I 'wasn't coming to work'... Can you do that when you work out of your house??? Well, I did and the world is still turning, so we're gonna take that as a positive sign! Over the weekend, both boys contracted the flu, and with it 11 loads of laundry, and 6 baths in 3 days. Then I got it... BAD! Then Kevin got it... Bad! I am now out of laundry detergent, and have given serious thought to creating a Lysol holster for my belt!
Tuesday. I'm catching up on work, praying both boys don't relapse, and we make it to 2pm when the boys head down for their naps, and Tonya, the woman who helps our world go round, is about to depart. Tonya has been a God send these first 6 months we've been here... The boys adore her, we trust her implicitly, she has helped to make our transition seamless. Tonya has goals for her life, and its become clear to her that an 8-2pm chunk of time M-F doesn't leave much to realize those goals in.... so now we are in limbo with her. I fully support her finding what it is that will make her happy, but can't deny there is a selfish part of me that had grown comfortable with our routine.
Enter my Facebook post from Tuesday Night: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for it will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own" (I Googled it after the fact, and learned that verse comes from Matthew 6:34)
Yesterday I was worried about my family being sick, losing an amazing care provider for my boys, launching my first small group (today: Wednesday) as a co-leader (SUPER Scary), the house hunt we've just begun, and all the financial changes that will result in.
Yesterday I worried about a lot, and it did me NO good. None of my circumstances immediately changed as a result of my worry, it pretty much just festered, grew, and ultimately robbed me of a good evening. So today, I'm not gonna worry. If I look over the last 10 years of my life, all I can see are the little ways God stepped in gave me more than I could have hoped for: Meeting Kevin, majoring in Supply Chain, Moving to Austin, Dell, UT, Gateway Community Church, Caleb, Logan, internships for Kevin, offers/options, Oracle, and now DC, and our new church family here. There IS a plan, I just need to practice a little faith... WAY tougher to actually execute than write about!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Lesson in Humility
Would you believe me if I told you that 8 little old ladies kicked my butt today? You should… because I’m ashamed to admit, it’s true.
I attended my first class at the Rec center today: “Power Pump Basics: A fast paced high energy workout using a barbell system burns fat while increasing metabolic rate”. Sounds pretty intense right? You can imagine my surprise when I walked in 5 minutes before the class started and there was a twig of a women pushing 70 talking with her pal, a regular, of about 65. Confused, I asked them if this was the Power Pump class, and thrilled at the prospect of a newbie they enthusiastically confirmed it was. I strongly considered bowing out, sure that spending the 55 minute class time on my own with free weights and an elliptical would certainly net a better workout that the one I had signed up for, however their excitement at ‘young blood’ joining them made me concede one class wouldn’t hurt. Boy was I wrong!
Over the course of the next 5 minutes, the rest of the posse rolled in, obviously regulars, because when Elaine entered the room the group broke out in Happy Birthday as she started her next Decade… 60… I have now confirmed I’m the youngest in the room by at least 30 years. The music starts, I’m digging the throw back to the 80’s music, and happily following along with the moves… but alas, I still look the part of the beginner, missing every transition by at LEAST one beat as the rest of the class flows seamlessly from move to move. Fifteen minutes in, my heartbeat is up, I’m quite warm and pleasantly surprised that my face is flush and I can ‘feel the burn’. Then the music shifts to rap. My 70 year old instructor tells the ladies, “don’t listen to the lyrics they’re simply awful, just follow the beat”, yet situated directly behind her, I can hear her singing along with the portions of the song that aren’t profane. Giggling profusely on the inside I follow along as the tempo jumps, though not for long, as I quickly realize this is WAY tougher than I thought and I need to focus if I’m going to keep up. Twenty minutes later we bring the aerobic portion to an end and I’m thoroughly spent. I also appear to be the highlight of my peers as they gush over how nice it is to see someone younger challenged by the moves as well…. Thanks ladies.
Next up we grab the free weights to incorporate into our moves. I grab a pair of 5lb weights, certain they won’t be a problem, and to ensure there would be plenty of the 3lb weights for the others. Within about 10 minutes of moving those five pounders, my arms thought they were going to fall off, and I’m wondering what in the heck is going on, that I can tote a 20 lb beast of a baby, and 36 lb toddler all around God’s green earth, yet my limbs start to quiver after the 25th rep of 5lb windmills?!? We moved to abs after that, and it was QUITE apparent that those muscles haven’t seen much action since I was Pregnant with Caleb 3 years ago, yowsa!
Over the course of the 55 minute class not only my body, but my pride, took a thorough beating. When the class ended a few of the ladies asked if they would see me again, acknowledging this isn’t generally what ‘my type’ expect. While I did originally expect a much younger demographic populating the class, I couldn’t deny that the workout fit the description of the class, and actually discovered I enjoyed the class make-up as it removed ANY self-consciousness I harbored. I think this might be the perfect place for me to dust off some of those long lost muscles, and when I’m not sucking gas in a room full of women twice my age+, maybe I’ll try to find a class of ~40-50 year old ladies… Cause after today, it’s quite obvious I’m nowhere near ready for a set of my own peers
I attended my first class at the Rec center today: “Power Pump Basics: A fast paced high energy workout using a barbell system burns fat while increasing metabolic rate”. Sounds pretty intense right? You can imagine my surprise when I walked in 5 minutes before the class started and there was a twig of a women pushing 70 talking with her pal, a regular, of about 65. Confused, I asked them if this was the Power Pump class, and thrilled at the prospect of a newbie they enthusiastically confirmed it was. I strongly considered bowing out, sure that spending the 55 minute class time on my own with free weights and an elliptical would certainly net a better workout that the one I had signed up for, however their excitement at ‘young blood’ joining them made me concede one class wouldn’t hurt. Boy was I wrong!
Over the course of the next 5 minutes, the rest of the posse rolled in, obviously regulars, because when Elaine entered the room the group broke out in Happy Birthday as she started her next Decade… 60… I have now confirmed I’m the youngest in the room by at least 30 years. The music starts, I’m digging the throw back to the 80’s music, and happily following along with the moves… but alas, I still look the part of the beginner, missing every transition by at LEAST one beat as the rest of the class flows seamlessly from move to move. Fifteen minutes in, my heartbeat is up, I’m quite warm and pleasantly surprised that my face is flush and I can ‘feel the burn’. Then the music shifts to rap. My 70 year old instructor tells the ladies, “don’t listen to the lyrics they’re simply awful, just follow the beat”, yet situated directly behind her, I can hear her singing along with the portions of the song that aren’t profane. Giggling profusely on the inside I follow along as the tempo jumps, though not for long, as I quickly realize this is WAY tougher than I thought and I need to focus if I’m going to keep up. Twenty minutes later we bring the aerobic portion to an end and I’m thoroughly spent. I also appear to be the highlight of my peers as they gush over how nice it is to see someone younger challenged by the moves as well…. Thanks ladies.
Next up we grab the free weights to incorporate into our moves. I grab a pair of 5lb weights, certain they won’t be a problem, and to ensure there would be plenty of the 3lb weights for the others. Within about 10 minutes of moving those five pounders, my arms thought they were going to fall off, and I’m wondering what in the heck is going on, that I can tote a 20 lb beast of a baby, and 36 lb toddler all around God’s green earth, yet my limbs start to quiver after the 25th rep of 5lb windmills?!? We moved to abs after that, and it was QUITE apparent that those muscles haven’t seen much action since I was Pregnant with Caleb 3 years ago, yowsa!
Over the course of the 55 minute class not only my body, but my pride, took a thorough beating. When the class ended a few of the ladies asked if they would see me again, acknowledging this isn’t generally what ‘my type’ expect. While I did originally expect a much younger demographic populating the class, I couldn’t deny that the workout fit the description of the class, and actually discovered I enjoyed the class make-up as it removed ANY self-consciousness I harbored. I think this might be the perfect place for me to dust off some of those long lost muscles, and when I’m not sucking gas in a room full of women twice my age+, maybe I’ll try to find a class of ~40-50 year old ladies… Cause after today, it’s quite obvious I’m nowhere near ready for a set of my own peers
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