It Is Finished...

Sometimes I can't help myself.  I am, after all, human.  I had an opinion, and even after acknowledging it would carry no influence or weight, I had to put it out there.  Still, Jesus loves me enough to teach me a lesson through it.

When I went to church this evening to honor the sacrifice Jesus paid on the cross SO many Good Friday's ago, I was reminded of a few of the last words He uttered to humanity from the cross.  "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Lk 23:34) and "It is finished" (Jn 19:30).

In a moment, I had peace.

We are equal, all of us, sinners.

We fight for what we believe is right, for the convictions we hold dearly.  I still believe marriage is a covenant with God, but that's because its what is significant for MY marriage.  I can't say that TONIGHT it would change my vote.... but its changing the way my heart sees things and that's enough for me to chew on for a little while.

Jesus fulfilled the law with His life, so that we could find grace and mercy, so that we could bury our worries, anxieties, and fears with Him and rise stronger, confident, with hope and love.  The laws that were written back then, and those that are drafted now will ultimately bow to His authority.  There is no obstacle or lifestyle to complicated for Him to reach, and no person He doesn't love enough to spend their lifetimes trying.

Don't miss the meaning of Easter this year.... search for peace, hope, strength, confidence, a new life in Him.... you can't make this stuff up.

Check Your Math: What Does = Mean?

Opinion's are like belly button's, everyone has one, but they don't influence much. :)  I couldn't sit idly by and not at least share my perspective, while I was choking on everyone else's.... So here it is.

Why does the 'equality' argument have to be so polarizing?  Is it possible that neither side is ALL right or ALL wrong?  Can't we look for common ground, that might allow us to FINALLY put this divisive debate behind us?  I hear some arguments I agree with.... I find it horrific that the love of someone's life would be denied access to them during a traumatic crisis of health simply because they are not related.  If you want to live with someone and enjoy the tax breaks that come from a joint household, or adopt a child in need and raise them in a house full of love, exposing them to all choices in life, I wouldn't see a point to argue over.  Is 'marriage' really the only solution??? I have to believe we could collectively be a little more creative in loving each other well, to find an alternative that worked.

Where it get's sticky for me is my belief that what the Bible says is from God, whom I will ultimately have to answer too.... and to be honest, He scares me (in the good awe inspiring, capable of anything, way) more than you do.

So, when God says in regards to marriage that "two shall become one flesh" (I take that to mean sex (yes, went there) in light of other supporting verses about giving bodies over to each other... yada yada yada).... and in another verse says that its wrong to engage in same sex relations.... I can't reconcile the two.  Put that against the fact that even our government allows for a marriage to be annulled (i.e. never happened) before it is 'consummated'.  So really, if we stopped splitting hairs about tax breaks, health benefits, etc... it comes down to asking me to agree that anybody can sleep with whomever they want.  I don't believe that's how God intended it... for anyone.... yes I'm one of those prudes that don't think straight people need to be sleeping with whomever either. I'm also guilty of my own past indiscretions, and thankful I believe in a God that forgives and redeems.

Going old school for a sec.... Sex was created for marriage...  Man didn't create the idea of sex, anymore than he created the idea for marriage, yet we seek to corrupt it at every turn.  Marriage wasn't an idea the State Department dreamed up to ostracize a social sect, it was a model God set before us to aspire toward, remain faithful too, and be fruitful in.  I don't think any better of myself for being married to a guy, or any worse of someone that finds the idea of the opposite sex repulsive.  There are plenty of other things God tells me not to do, that I do anyway, so believe me when I say I'm fine working on myself and would encourage others to review their lives under Biblical guidance as well.

So why the fight?  Why do Christians put up such a stink when it comes to other peoples business if we profess to be so concerned with working on ourselves?  As cliche as it sounds, at least for me, its because I'm trying to live out those two basic commands Jesus gave.... 'Love God above all else, and love each other as you would yourself'.   I wouldn't want someone to tell me something was o.k..... to make it easier for me to do.... more lucrative and appealing.... if it was ultimately going to be bad for me.  I would hope, no matter the fight I put up, that someone who loved me enough would go toe to toe with me, that they would risk even losing me for a season, rather than an eternity.  That's what I believe is at stake.... Eternity.... if you don't, than the stakes likely aren't as high for you, nor the fight all that worth getting engaged in.  I understand, but I would also challenge you, why don't you believe?  Have you taken the time to really hash it out with someone that does, with an open mind, and pursued a second or third opinion, or do you just roll your eyes and stand in judgment of those 'judgmental Christians'.   If you went to one doctor and they gave you a death sentence, would you not entertain a second, third, or fourth opinion?  I'd probably have to get 50, but that's just me.

I'm not against equality, on the contrary I'm for it.  It's equal to listen to another's argument and hope for the same courtesy to be extended in return.  Also, if you see me doing something that is not God's best for my life.... fight me on it. I'll respond in kind, with as much love, patience, kindness, grace, and mercy that I would pray you'd exert when fighting me.  

Vacation vs. Adventure

The pictures I posted during last weeks trip to Florida with the boys was our 'highlight reel'.  Those moments that sway the pendulum of reality toward an idyllic way of life.  What I neglected to capture, was that moment when Cub accidentally dumped my one week old I-phone into the pool while simultaneously whipping my brand new, first pair ever, prescription Coach sunglasses face down onto the concrete, or the four letter word that flew out of my mouth in response.  I didn't capture the tears of regret over said outburst that poured into my towel, or the exhaustion that had built up from a week of sleeping with a restless two year old, that woke up every morning at 6 and snored like a truck driver.

Would I do it again?

I'd leave tomorrow if I could.

In a week's time I got to see my mom, my dad, my best friend and her family (whom fed much of my sugary cereal addiction for the duration of my High School career), as well as both sets of my Grandparents.   I also got to meet the baby girl of a friend that recently relocated to FLA from DC.  We ran HARD for a week, and the cost of that did show up in some behavioral melt-downs..... from everyone, but the memories made, in my opinion were worth it.  Swimming in March. Gator Hunting. Shelling on the beach. Riding a wave runner with Crazy Papi in the Gulf.  Ice Cream Cones. Having my Grandparents teach their great grand babies, a card game they had once taught me.  Catching Lizards.  Navigating retirement communities in Golf Carts commandeered by the boys.  Worth every minute!

It's been somewhat surprising to me how shocked others were to realize I would embark on such a trip without Kevin.  Granted, I did have our friend Hannah with me, so I didn't go it alone, but I likely would have even if she hadn't been available to join in the fun.  It's just the way life works for us.  We both need our time away, whether a night here and there, or a week at a time.  It helps keep the insanity of every day in perspective.  That life together IS better than life apart, that the nuances of daily messes, dinner theatrics, bedtime mayhem, and a volume level that just WILL NOT QUIT, is tempered by their hilarity... and to do without one costs the other.

Although, to adequately set my own expectations for future 'vacations' with the boys, I will refer to them now as adventures.... My cursory review of each of their definitions made it clear this was the obvious choice.

Vacation: An interval of respite, or rest/relief from daily activities.... NOT what I experienced last week.

Adventure:  An undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks.....  BINGO!

I was talking with a single friend upon my return, and he likened traveling with kids to be similar to a vacation where he brought his laptop and smart phone along.  I had to correct him.  It would only be similar if upon receiving each new mail, text, alert, etc.., at whatever hour of the day or night, his phone/computer would light up, read the email too him in a loud and demanding voice, and then would constantly repeat his name until it was satisfied with his response.  If his computer could start physically poking him, and whining, if the response wasn't delivered in 30 seconds, it might be a step even closer to reality :)

It's A........

We had our 20wk ultrasound this morning (Monday).  I'm posting a day late so I could have time to call the fam and let them in on the news before it hit the world wide web.  However, there was that urge I couldn't ignore to write what it feels like to know, as I'm feeling it, before life got in the way and I forgot.

The whole family went in for the check-up.  The boys couldn't wait to see what their little brother or sister would look like!  We all wore a shirt denoting our guess, I wore a navy and pink stripped shirt.... I cheated a little, Caleb wore pink, Logan blue, and Kev couldn't play cause he was heading to work right after.  On the way there Caleb adamantly explained we NEEDED a sister, there were too many boys and he didn't want another one.  I explained I was hoping to even the playing field a little bit myself, but that ultimately it wasn't up to us, God would give us the perfect fit for our family and we would love it with all of our hearts.  Caleb wasn't convinced.  I said a quiet prayer for the millionth time that it be a little girl.

The boys were in absolute awe when the first images came on the screen of the profile.  Logan said he wanted it to come out right now, "where's my baby, is it coming now?".... He still isn't grasping how much longer we need it to cook for.  They quickly lost interest as the tech started measuring everything else that they couldn't quite make out.  I asked a few questions if things looked normal, however she said this was just a lab and all results would be sent to a physician for analysis, and I would be contacted with any abnormalities.  That didn't sit super well, as it sounded like that elusive line they give you when they don't want to deliver news themselves, but I'm refusing to allow my brain to go there, believing that from what I was able to tell, everything looked healthy and was measuring well.

Then the moment of truth came.  I knew it before she said it.  I'd seen it twice before.  There is no point denying that there was a moment of shock and disappointment, or denying the guilt that came with that feeling.  Knowing how excited I am for this baby, but having believed that maybe this would be my chance to see what a little girl version of Kevin and I looked like, to buy bows, do hair, and oh the clothes that I had dreamed about.  Its a weird parallel universe to inhabit for a bit, mourning the loss of what might have been, while embracing the excitement of what will be.  It was different than with finding out what Logan would be. We were certain of the desire to try for the 3rd, but that certainty is not here this time.  Its not out of the question, but I won't try for the 4th, only in an attempt to get a girl, that's too much pressure.  We'll wait and see how my brain/heart feels about the prospect of 4 boys when/if the time comes to entertain those thoughts.

After the tech confirmed it was a boy, I turned to Caleb to ask if he was excited to meet his little brother, he was more quiet but said yes, while Logan was squirming uncontrollably in Kevin's arms saying "I'll take him, he's mine, that's my brother, I want my baby"....  Excited to say the least.  That moment was a testament to how different their little personalities are, Caleb was holding my hand and stroking my hair with his other, while whispering 'he loved me' in my ear.  Logan, after exclaiming his acceptance for his new brother, had officially seen enough of the room and wanted to explore elsewhere.  What this one will be like, I haven't a clue, but am looking forward to figuring it out.

My brain is still reeling a bit from the news as I write this.  Thoughts of camping trips, sports, adventures, and a life fully in motion swirl a midst fears that I won't be able to keep up, how we'll afford to FEED them, and as I wrote before, if I'll be left behind, forgotten.  I'm thankful for the AMAZING father Kevin is, that God has blessed us with boys that will have such an awesome example to follow as they grow.  I'm thankful for how engaged and active he is in every component of their lives, and know that God has given us boys for this express reason, to raise up men fully devoted to Him and leading in His Kingdom.  This is the part that excites me, the part which brings me out of my parallel universe, believing what an amazing impact this little man's life will have.  Yes, any daughter of mine would make an equally amazing impact, but there is something special I've discovered in the warrior spirit of my little men.  It fascinates me to watch how they balance compassion and the gentle caring side of their spirit, with the carnal side to discover, destroy, build, and lay claim too.  Growing up in a house of girls, this was at one time very foreign territory to me.  Now, I retain my title as a queen among kings, they fully enamored with me, and I by them.

Bring on the crazy!

(P.S..... This post is a perfect example of why I blog.... When I sat down, I was still in my parallel universe, not quite sure how to pull myself out.  When I write, the world makes sense again, I see things more clearly, and can let got of what's not real to be thankful for what is!)

Date Night

It was a momentous night at the Alspaugh household.  Caleb went on his first date.  The lasting effects of a 4 year old taking a 20+ something out on a date will be something for the therapists couch, I thought it would be cute.  Come to think of it, most of my parenting decisions are made on how cute something stands to be, or how funny.  This confession alone will hopefully save them from many unnecessary hours shrinking their brains.

Caleb has developed a bit of a crush on the Director of his Sunday School program.  After a very smooth invitation on a date last Sunday, she graciously accepted, and the plans were set in motion for a rendezvous this evening.  I was asked no less than 35 times today if it was 'time to go yet'.  He wanted to wear his 'beautiful clothes' and we had to gel the hair.  At his behest we picked up flowers, and he made her a card.  As we're about to take off I reminded him that gentleman open doors for ladies, and they pay for the meal.  He got a very serious look on his face and asked if I thought he had enough coins in his piggy bank to cover the expense.  I assured him I would give him what he needed, and he lit up with a sweet "Thank you very much for sharing your money with me".

Here he is all set, ready and waiting for his date.  Flowers in one hand and his 'credit card' (gift card) in another.  I'd planned to stay put at least to watch him open the door (as he had practiced) and listen to the open lines he'd been preparing all day, but alas parking was at a premium so to expedite things Logan and I gave up our spot so Ms. Chelsea (cub's date) could take it.

It was a weird feeling, watching your 4 year old, from the drivers seat of your illegally parked car, with your two year old already jabbering in the back seat, go open the door with flowers in hand for his date.  There was a lump in the throat for sure, but dang-it he was just too darn cute, and excited beyond belief.  So, I took my exit gracefully, looking forward to my own date with Logan.

My date did not start super well.  As we're driving away, Logan is continually asking "Where's my date mama?"  I tried to explain to him that I  was his date.  This did not go over well.  The first initial responses were "NO, YOU are my MAMA".  When I tried to explain that taking his mom on the date, was the best kind of date, I was told to, "Stop talking, you are making me angry".

When we parked for our date, things looked up.  I thanked him for taking me on a date, and he said 'your welcome', and proceeded to stop traffic for me (at an already red light) so I could cross, yelling at the cars the entire time "Coming through, look out".  When one made a legal right turn well before we had gotten to that side of the street, Logan about read him the riot act, letting the driver know that his car would promptly be going to jail.

We made it to our destination, and had a lovely dinner, although I will need to work on his 'wandering eye' before he's fit for a proper date of his own.  I was not sufficient entertainment for him, and he proceeded to engage in conversation with every table within earshot, and as much of the waitstaff as he could flag down.  At least one was nice enough to snag a picture for us.... we're still working on the smile on command for the camera.

As bed time quickly approached we took off to pick Cub up from his date.  From the near constant chatter regarding every detail of his date, from the time I picked him up until he was tucked into bed, I would hazard a guess the date was a success.  A very smooth night for the young Alspaugh men indeed.