The Miracle of Keeping Tiny Humans Alive.... (or Motherhood)

If you haven't read this, you don't know about the little project I'm undertaking through the end of the year.  I'm taking time to remember the miracles that have occurred in my life, to remind myself that God is very much in the details and cares about even the smallest components of our lives.  If in the process I'm able to remind another about the miracles He's accomplished in their life, that's awesome too!  'Tis the season for remembering miracles!  If you wanna catch up: Miracle #1,Miracle #2, Miracle #3, Miracle #4

One of the more shocking miracles of my life, is the fact I'm a Mom.  In truth, that isn't the most shocking part.  The reality that almost 6 years into this gig my kids are alive, seemingly well adjusted, and I haven't been arrested or committed is.  I offer this post up as hope to women out there convinced they don't have a maternal bone in their body.   Me either, but I got 3 kids determined to prove me wrong.

I have no desire to make play-doh, build forts, or play hide and seek for 26 hours a day.  Zero.  I can have a mad dance party, but that's only because those would occur with or without tiny humans present to partake.  In actuality their presence likely keeps the music in a more acceptable genre, because I occasionally imagine myself as a bit of a thug.... so really, who is the parent keeping whom out of trouble?  Exactly.

While talking to a friend who just had her first babe, the topic of a mom's insane protection instinct came up.  She asked if it ever tempered at all.  My response, "Nah, wait till it get's really irrational and you seriously think about kicking a kindergartner in the knees because she cut your three year old off on the play ground, knocking him over."  Apparently God gave me JUST enough maternal instinct to cover my own kids, kindergartners consider yourself warned.

My natural reaction to a mess isn't, 'awwww the kids are being so creative and having fun'....  It is incredibly censored, to the point I've already had to ask God to forgive what I THOUGHT about saying, before a very tight lipped "Please make sure that get's cleaned up when your done." makes it out of my mouth.  Then when, inevitably, it doesn't get cleaned up, I'm literally saying 'be thankful, be thankful' over and over as I pick up blocks, clothes, crumbs, books, cars, etc... for the umpteenth time, as a way to psych my brain out.

When they fall at the playground, I'm the mom that waits to see if tears come before moving.  If they don't, I give 'em a high five and say 'way to stick that landing'.  By the time we FINALLY make it to bed time each day, I'm all but racing to the finish line.  There are no character voices to the books we read, in fact if I can influence the choice at all to be under 8 pages, I consider it a major win.  Most nights my prayers over them include a plea to God to keep them in their beds, while giving them sweet dreams of course, but PLEASE God, keep them in their beds.

But.....  The thing about kids..... its all but impossible to look at them and not marvel at the miracle that they are.  I got to help CREATE that?!?   What the what!?!?   Especially when you get older, and realize all those things you held as inalienable rights, that you would get married, and have kids when YOU wanted, aren't inalienable at all.  It makes it all the more miraculous.

WE are supposed to love THEM unconditionally, but somewhere along my path the World taught me all about conditional love.  Then I had them.  THEY reminded ME, what it looked like.  When I was grumpy or tired, and found myself snapping, they didn't care.  When I was scared at the overwhelming size of the task before me, raising them, they just smiled and laughed.  They wipe the slate clean every single morning, no matter what happened the day before, and let me try again.  They reminded me how to do the same for them.  When they wake me up 5 times a night, puke in my hair, spill grape juice on the carpet, color with marker on the walls, drive me bonkers with antics at the dinner table, or stall for hours at bed.... We can try again together tomorrow.  That is a miracle.  The thing about miracles, they are all unique, like snow flakes.  When and how you find your man, when and if you have kids, the demeanor and needs of those kids, how you parent.   It takes all kinds to make the world go round.  Clearly, as evidenced below.

Nobody's perfect.... There is no perfect mom, and there are no perfect kids, but as my fave Momastery blog reminds me, 'we belong to each other'.... so we keep trying everyday to get a little better.

The Miracle of Healing

If you haven't read this, you don't know about the little project I'm undertaking through the end of the year.  I'm taking time to remember the miracles that have occurred in my life, to remind myself that God is very much in the details and cares about even the smallest components of our lives.  If in the process I'm able to remind another about the miracles He's accomplished in their life, that's awesome too!  'Tis the season for remembering miracles!  If you wanna catch up: Miracle #1,Miracle #2, Miracle #3

If you've never driven across the country with a 3 month old and 2 year old, I don't recommend it.  The drive from Texas to Alexandria took us 27 hours, required 2 nights in a hotel, and about nearly did me in.  Caleb was just beginning to expand his vocabulary and wanted to try out his words the ENTIRE way.  I'd never been so happy to arrive some place in my entire life!  Kevin had made a solo trek out a couple weeks prior with all of our furniture and set up our new place so when we arrived we decided to spend the rest of the day walking through Old Town and exploring our new city!  Thoroughly exhausted from the trip and our adventures of the day we got home and started to get jammies on for our first night in our new apartment.

Caleb 'unpacking' Logan from the big move :)

I can still picture every detail of what happened next.

At 3 months Logan was just kicking his feet in the air as we worked to get Caleb's pajama's on.  Caleb was jabbering away about something when suddenly he just stopped talking, walked across the room, directly into our entertainment center, and then crumpled into a pile on the floor.  I called his name and told him to stop messing around, that we weren't done getting his pajama's on.  He didn't respond.  I walked over to where he was, he was just staring at the ceiling.  I called his name again, and then out of no where his whole tiny two year old body started convulsing and seizing.  I screamed for Kevin who grabbed him and held him, trying to get him to respond, and I started to call 911.  I didn't even know our new address yet when they asked for it, I had to scramble to find our lease with the address on it to make sure I got it right.  The longest 3 minutes of my life later, I could hear the sirens in the distance, and the seizing had stopped but Cub was still laying unresponsive in Kevin's arms.  When the paramedics got into our apartment he was just starting to come to, very disoriented and very groggy.  They loaded him and Kevin into the ambulance, and Logan and I followed them to the hospital.  I've never felt more scared or helpless in my life.

 Enjoying a Popsicle in the ER after about giving his mom and dad a heart-attack!

The diagnosis at that time was the stress of the move, the long road trip and sitting in a car seat for that long, was simply too much and this was his two year old body manifesting that stress to release it.  They didn't expect it to repeat, and after the tests they ran in the ER confirmed that overall he was healthy, they released us.  That week we googled churches in the DC metro area, to see if we could find one to try out that Sunday, and at the top of the list was "DC Metro Church".... We figured we'd give it a shot.  We enjoyed our first Sunday, everyone was friendly, it was close by, seemed like a good fit.

The next Sunday, as we were getting ready for church, the chattering coming from the boys room suddenly went silent and I heard an ominous thud.  I rushed in to see Caleb seizing for the second time in just two weeks now.  Understanding just slightly better what to expect, and not wanting to subject him to another round through the ER after the doctors had told us what to do if it happened again, we rode it out and laid low for the day.  Over the course of those 5 remaining months of 2010 Caleb had a total of 9 seizures.  After the third one, I'd made an appointment with a Pediatric Neurologist to understand what was happening, and Caleb was diagnosed with Epilepsy, which was defined as the occurrence of more than 2 unprovoked seizures.  The Dr. recommended a drug that Cub would need to take daily for a year minimum, and she said a common side effect was that their personality and overall demeanor could change given the drugs direct effect on the brain.  As a mom, it was a treatment plan I just could NOT wrap my brain around.  My child was 2.  I was JUST beginning to meet his sweet little personality as he emerged into toddler-hood, and the thought of changing that with a narcotic left me incredibly uneasy..... but what choices did I have.  I asked if the occurrences of the seizures were damaging to Caleb in anyway, and the Dr. assured me that because of his age all but ensuring an adult would be present or near him at all times and able to respond immediately when one occurred, the actual seizures themselves did not hurt his brain, it was the risk of hurting himself while his body seized that was the bigger concern.  I decided to hold off on the daily drug while I researched alternatives.

As we started the New Year, our new church introduced us to their tradition of starting the year with a 21 day corporate fast.  I'd grown up with lent, so I understood the concept, although I don't think I was ever actually successful in abstaining for the full 40 days from whatever I choose to give up.  This time, the stakes were higher.  I was helpless to end the seizures on my own, and if I was going to ask for something as important as healing my son, I better dang well be ready to not cheat or complain about not having a few of my favorite foods for a couple weeks!  During the 3wk fast, they had a few evenings services of Praise & Worship, and at the last one they asked people to come forward if they were specifically looking for healing.  At that point, I was still not really comfortable with the idea of 'sticking out' in a service.  I much preferred blending in, but Kevin gave me the look this time and told me he was going to get Caleb out of children's ministry.  We brought him to the front, and our lead Pastor and his wife prayed over Caleb and then we went back to our seats.  Another little girl was brought forward by her parents right behind us, right about Caleb's age, but her legs were completely wrapped in braces, and she used a tiny little walker to keep her upright while trying to walk.  At the end of the service our Pastor specifically highlighted Caleb and this little girl one more time for the congregation to pray over, and with that the service and the 21 day fast was over.

Lightning never struck.  I didn't hear an audible voice from heaven that the miraculous had occurred.  What did happen, however, was that as the days of 2011 passed, Caleb made it through the whole year with only TWO seizures, and then 2012, and now 2013 have passed and we have never had to experience another one.  No personality inhibiting narcotics, no invasive surgeries, no days/weeks spent with Dr.'s trying to understand what I never could.  A miracle!  If that wasn't convincing enough, watching that little girl that came up for prayer behind Caleb, and getting to know their family, I learned that shortly after that service THEY were contacted (they didn't make contact, someone reached out to THEM) by a Dr. who had a procedure he thought would work in correcting their daughters legs.  They went through the procedure and now 3 years later, I've seen her walk and run across a room unassisted.  There is still evidence of an ailment in her legs, and its not perfect quite yet, but it is certainly a miracle none-the-less!

The Miracle of Testing Him

If you haven't read this, you don't know about the little project I'm undertaking through the end of the year.  I'm taking time to remember the miracles that have occurred in my life, to remind myself that God is very much in the details and cares about even the smallest components of our lives.  If in the process I'm able to remind another about the miracles He's accomplished in their life, that's awesome too!  'Tis the season for remembering miracles!  If you wanna catch up: Miracle #1, Miracle #2

Hindsight really is 20/20.  As I'm writing about the miracles we've experienced, its hard to see where one stops and the next one starts, as everything is intertwined to achieve an outcome we still cannot see or understand.  Getting hired at Dell and relocating to Austin was just another step.

I grew up Catholic.  We experience life through the lenses we're given, and for a long time my only view of religion was through the lenses of Catholicism.  We didn't have 'relationships' with Jesus, we believed in Him, but we prayed scripted prayers to Mary or the Saints, and sought absolution from Priests, that's just how I understood it.  We didn't need to read our Bibles, because it was read to us and explained to us on Sunday, by someone who dedicated their life to make sense of it, we weren't expected to understand it.  In my adolescent understanding, the church had existed forever, would continue to exist forever (with or without members), and giving was optional depending on if you had some spare change in your pockets or not.  It had always been fun on Sunday's when my mom would hand each of us girls a couple dollars to drop into the offering plate when it went by, I only ever saw the small bills pass as the plate went by and accepted that was what giving to the church looked like.

It would take COUNTLESS teachings before I would ever even begin to question that understanding.  In truth I didn't want to.  I was POOR in college.  My parents helped with half of the overall tuition, but the other half, room/board, books, food, and any other expense were on us.  At the time, when friends were getting it fully funded with access to a bank card that hit their parents account whenever they needed it, I thought I was getting a raw deal.  Now I'm thankful (yes, Mom and Dad, thankful) for the money management skills it taught me.  I didn't have a car, I rode public transit or walked.  I didn't have a cell phone or a computer, I wrote my papers at the computer lab in the library.  I ate pancakes probably 4 days a week because my dad worked for Krustez, and I had coupons for free mix that required me to add water.  My other meals were usually on shift while waitressing at Bennigan's.  I lived in a Frat house (yes, you read that correctly) the last semester I was in college, because the cost of the room for 6 months (all utilities included) was only $800 (10 years ago).  I'll write more about THAT experience some other time!  So when I got hired at Dell, it was all to easy to see that as something I had worked MY butt off for, and the fruit of the spoils were all mine to do with as I pleased.  With our wedding to pay for, Kevin starting school, and buying our first home, there were always plenty of places for the money to go.

Since giving wasn't discussed much, or at least that I remembered while growing up, I took immediate offense the first few times I heard teachings on it.  How dare they, I was always told it was rude to ask people for money.  However, slowly my defenses began to drop, the messages became less offensive and more convicting.  We were FINALLY approaching the end of Kevin's degree.  Had God not brought us to Austin through our relocation for Dell, Kevin never would have been able to attend The University of Texas and gotten his computer science degree from such a highly ranked school in his field.  Our blessings were undeniable, we'd survived a few very tough years of marriage, had Caleb and were pregnant with Logan.... However, Kevin was now experiencing the same drought I had, as he went on interview after interview looking for employment post graduation.

Leading up to the holidays in 2009, our church gave a message based on Malachi 3:10, essentially that we are to bring the whole tithe (our first 10% of our income), and that this one command was the only time in the entire Bible, that God encouraged us to 'test Him'.  I mulled it over for awhile, and decided that my New Years resolution that year would be to test Him.  Kevin needed an offer.  I remembered how depressed I had been walking through so much rejection, and I could see it in him.... what did I have to lose?

When we got back to work after the holidays, I set up my direct deposit on a Monday.  Kevin got a call from Oracle that Wednesday.  He had interviewed with them in OCTOBER.... it was January... and he heard nothing from them until two days after I decide to 'test' God?!?  Dead serious.  I was shocked.  Kevin even mentioned that given this offer would require a cross country move, maybe I should pull the direct deposit so we could save.  I think I told him I didn't want to get struck by lightning, so I wasn't touching one red cent.  After that a couple other offers came in that tempted us to think about staying, we could have made more and lived at a lower cost of living, but we just knew that it was an adventure we had to take.

Since taking the plunge and moving all the way out here, the INSANE cost of living makes it tempting to pull back sometimes, however God continues to prove the exact opposite true.  He's challenged us every year to give even more with miracle offerings as our church continues to grow, and every year we step out in faith He has exceeded our expectations.  When we first moved here the 4 of us crammed into 728sq ft, a year later we doubled that, and just this past summer we increased it again, all without compromising our location too much, and our housing budget hasn't changed either.  Both moves were crazy miracles of their own.... the first move we were picked out of a 20 person lottery to get the house, and this new place was a needle in a haystack Craig's List find with no picture and only two sentences in the ad.  Normally I wouldn't even give a listing like that a second look, but for whatever reason I sent a note, and here we are.
Testing Him with the tithe is a crazy miracle that I can't explain, that I fought for a  REALLY long time, but as I watch it play out year after year now for the past few years in my own life, I can't argue with it anymore.

Do you have a resolution this year???  Give it a shot.... test Him, what miracle are you waiting for? ;)

Logan crawling down the hallway of our first apartment when we moved out here.  The baby actually makes the apartment scale pretty accurate, as you can see roughly 90% of the place right here.  Back bedroom for the boys, our room to his right, the bathroom to his left, and a 10x10 living/dining room just in front of him.... you just got the whole tour!

What happened 24hrs after our move to Alexandria was one of the scariest tests of faith of my life, but also paved the way toward one of the top two miracles I've experienced as well!  More on THAT tomorrow....

My life isn't exactly a major cliff hanger, so I gotta build up suspense where ever I can ;)

The Miracle of Employment!

If you haven't read this, you don't know about the little project I'm undertaking through the end of the year.  I'm taking time to remember the miracles that have occurred in my life, to remind myself that God is very much in the details and cares about even the smallest components of our lives.  If in the process I'm able to remind another about the miracles He's accomplished in their life, that's awesome too!  'Tis the season for remembering miracles!  You can find my first post, entertaining angels, here.

February will mark my ten year anniversary with Dell.  How I got this job is another fun story of God working all things together for my good!

I'd like to say I researched my University of choice for its reputation in the degree program I sought.  HA!  I was ready to par-tay, and Michigan State was just the place for me!  My degree more or less picked me.  Science was ruled out for the simple fact it bored me to TEARS, I didn't have a particular affinity or patience for teaching, and without much creativity, I landed in the Business college.  I tried most of the specialties in the business college: marketing, accounting, and finance before discovering we had this new specialty called supply chain management, which we were apparently #1 in the country for.  I figured being #1 at something sounded good, and declared my major.

Fast forward to my last semester in college.  Kevin and I had been dating for about 2 years at that point and on homecoming weekend he popped the question!  Like any self respecting 21 year old I gawked at the bulging diamond on my left hand and thrust it in the face of all my girlfriends, completely bewildered that I was ENGAGED?!?!  I didn't give one thought to what that tiny little accessory would say to potential employers as I began the long and arduous road of interviews set before me that fall, and because of those strict HR rules, they didn't ask either.

Thirty Eight companies later.  Yes.... 38....  I was completely deflated.  I had interviewed EVERYWHERE.  I'd taken IQ tests for Abercrombie, sat across from a T.V. screen and recorded one for Pepsi, even flew down to Richmond for a second round with Philip Morris.  Every single company turned me down.  I was totally perplexed as my peers with lower GPA's and fewer extra-curriculars continued to get snapped up around me.  Looking for guidance I turned to the career counselors.  His first question was when I got engaged, and then followed up with if I'd been wearing my ring to the interviews.  I told him I had, not thinking anything of it, and in not such an obvious way, he told me to 'stop it'.  Apparently engaged at my age screamed undependable to prospective employers.  I was an investment not worth investing in because at some undisclosed point down the road I would quit to have babies, or relocate on a whim for my husband.  They couldn't ask the questions that would absolve me of those stereotypes so they were opting to play it safe, and I was none the wiser.

I talked with Kevin, and we agreed taking my ring off for the two remaining prospects I had left made sense. The only two interviews I had left were with Frito-Lay and Dell.  Frito-Lay's position was for 2nd shift warehouse manager in Detroit.   Can you guys even imagine that?!?   I was imagining 8mile, at night, in a warehouse, being a little blond haired naive manager, and figuring I'd probably die in my first week or something.  Not trying to be pre-judicial, but it was my 21 year old brain at work.... stereo-types ran rampant for me then.
The only other option was Dell... and after 38 rejections, my confidence for landing a job at the company that I'd spent the better part of the last 2 years studying in case-studies for their infamous supply chain was pretty low.  It didn't help that the second round interview required me to fly to Austin, and the return flight only gave me a 3hr buffer to make it to my graduation ceremonies.  I made it there and back for the interview, and readied myself to wait the 2-3wk window for feedback.

Two weeks passed, no news.  I sent an email to a buddy that had flown down with me, only to learn he had received an offer.  Frito-Lay contacted me, and had chosen another candidate.  I moved home, and went back to work, with my college degree, as a waitress at Bennigan's.  Three weeks passed, no news.  I sent them the obligatory note, thanking them and letting them know I was still interested.  No response.  Four weeks.  Five weeks.  I sent them another semi-polite note at six weeks.  No response.   Then one night, two months after my interview, I was laying in bed and I was pissed.  No responses, I gave them my time, I almost missed my graduation, and to get nothing in return was just rude.  Figuring I'd already lost the job and they were just too inconsiderate to let me know, I figured I'd send one more email.  It went like this:

To Whom it May Concern,

I know I am qualified to do the job you have asked.  Whether or not you want to hire me is up to you.  I would appreciate a response either way.

Sincerely,
Julie Summers

The next morning when I woke up I had the generic response, I'd grown so used to seeing, in my inbox.  They thanked me for my time and would keep my resume' on file for a year.  It didn't really bother me at that point, seeing as it was the response I'd expected, so I went about my day flower girl dress shopping with my little niece.  While at my soon-to-be Mother-in-law's house, I got a phone call.  Dell wanted me.  There had been a mistake in H.R. and my email the night before had alerted the hiring manager to the lapse.  They let me know an offer letter was in the mail, and looked forward to my response.  I think the lady on the phone was questioning their choice as my voice couldn't possibly have climbed another octave higher as I profusely thanked her.

Had I gotten a single offer, no matter HOW sad the prospect was, prior to that moment, I would have taken it out of desperation.  Had I taken my ring off earlier in the process maybe that would have happened.  Had I not sent a middle of the night random email, H.R's lapse might have gone unnoticed indefinitely.  The waiting, the rejections, the ring.... it had all worked together to land me my dream job!  Miracle!

God opened MANY doors for me at Dell, putting me on a project that allowed me to travel to Ireland, Singapore, and Italy.  Enabling me to obtain a patent for my project work, get published in an M.I.T. case study, and present to Micheal Dell himself!

All of this coincidentally laid the very foundation for what I will build upon..... tomorrow :)

Remember Miracles

I could not fall asleep last night.  So I should be more tired now, and napping with the rest of my men, but I'm still wired.  I can no longer blame it on that stinkin cup of coffee I had at 2pm yesterday, which in all actuality I loved and would drink again because it was filled with all sorts of pumpkiny spice goodness! 

No, its not the coffee, its what awoke inside last night after writing about simple miracles that I had taken for granted for to long.  

The moment I hit publish on that blog a torrent of other miracles, that I'd either accepted as luck or saw as a result of my own doing, came flooding back into my memory.  I was dumb struck at how every single area of my life has been touched, in one way or another, by the miraculous.... and then an idea hit me.  

I've always had too many words.  JUST. TO. MANY.  I never knew what to do with them all, so I started a blog about 4 years ago as an outlet for some of them.  I thought about doing the 30 days of Thankfulness last November, and new that for all the words of thanks I wanted to post that Facebook might actually kick me off or something.  So, I turned to my blog as an outlet of unrestricted character limits, not wanting to annoy the masses with a lengthy post after post for 30 days.  Well, I skipped the 30 days of Thankfulness again this year for the same reason, but last night God gave me a new little 'tradition' to start, as we enter the season of miracles.  (People, if you join me in this... for the LOVE.... make it a 'note' or start a blog or something, cause I don't want to read a freaking mile long hash-tagged up wall post either mmmm kay.)

I'd like to be creative and come up with some fun seasonal slant to it, like The Twelve Days of.... and then have 12 perfectly crafted things to write about, but in all seriousness I have words, not craftiness, so I'm not gonna freak myself out with some pre-determined quota.  What I AM gonna do is my little part to remind myself and anyone that chooses to read them WHY we celebrate this season.  I will write about as many of the miracle stories that have happened in my own life, as God reminds me of them.  I will remember the miracle that IS Jesus, that this season is about Him and Him alone, and that He is the author and perfecter of my faith.  Please don't read too much into this, and think I'm swearing off presents, and condemning anyone that shops or all things Santa, I love the magic of this season just like everyone else... this is just a fun way for me to keep first things first.  Also, you should know that EVERY SINGLE TIME that I have promised to write daily, I have failed.  I will write them when I write them.  Maybe there will be 3 in a day, maybe I'll remember writing this on Dec. 26th (not likely) and write them all then, or maybe they'll just come out on the days they are supposed to. 

If you're feeling inspired, spend a moment and think about the miracles that have occurred in your own life.  They are there, simply by the fact I believe we're each a miracle in that God created us.  Corny, sure, but I don't care.  Look for them, give credit where credit is due, and marvel at the fact that God cares enough about your life to give you your very own miracles too!  If you don't have a blog, or don't feel like sharing them in a wide venue, feel free to put them in the comments below, just share them with someone because that is what this season is really about, marveling at God's greatest miracles!  

"For unto us a Child is born, a Son is given; and the government will rest on His shoulder.  And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isa 9:6

Entertaining Angels

In nearly 10 years of marriage, Kevin and I have had another adult living with us for a total of 5 years.  Three different amazing ladies, whom started as relative strangers prior to their extended stays.  I usually catch some strange looks, and often get the question 'how does THAT work' from individuals as it comes up in conversation.  The simple answer, it just does.  However, I know the answer is far more complicated than I will likely EVER understand.  It is being woven together outside of my understanding of time and reason by a God who does immeasurably more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine!

Hebrews 13:2 (msg) says "Be ready with a meal or a bed when it's needed.  Why, some have extended hospitality to angels without even knowing it."  I consider myself lucky, having the opportunity to KNOW that it is, and has been, angels that have occupied my home.

Renee was the first angel we got to entertain for a season.  She moved in after a particularly rough year for Kevin and I, shortly after we had found out we were pregnant with Cub.  The 'original' plan, was for her to stay until the baby was born, about 7 months at the time, and then move out.  She stayed with us until JUST a few days before we moved to Virginia, two and a half years later.  It broke all of our hearts to have to separate.  She was and always will be Aunt NeNe, as she was an ever present light in our life for those first two years of Cub's life, and did more for Kevin and I than she could every possibly know.  

Cub & Aunt NeNe on her Birthday, a couple months before the move in August 2010.

The next series of events, is actually what triggered this blog post in the first place.  I was explaining them all to a girlfriend today, and after she heard them, she exclaimed "You are writing ALL of this down so the boys can see the miracles God has done for you, RIGHT?!?"  Having not done so to-date, I figured I better get right on that!

God's hand was ALL over our move to Alexandria, so much so that I can't even put it all in here cause it would make what's likely already going to be long.... ridiculously long, so we'll stick with the angels.

When moving up here, our plan was for me to be a stay-at-home mom.  God laughed and said, 'your funny, how bout you keep your job so those sweet little boys I gave you can keep their lives, cause y'all will straight up kill each other on your own'.  Well played God.... Smart. (also, that is how God talks to me sometimes.... true story). 

After a tumultuous first year of going through 4 providers in one year, I was EXHAUSTED.  Any mom knows, it is heart wrenching trying to find qualified care to trust your babies with, and I was SERIOUSLY questioning if I was supposed to be doing this?  Why was it THIS hard?!?  I thought I had mixed my signals or something.  I had viewed the fact that my job let me move across the country and work remote as a miracle, and thought I was supposed to keep it because of that.... but this had me seriously questioning things....  THEN, in August of 2011, we met Stephanie our second angel.

 Cub and Ms. Stephanie on his 4th Birthday

Stephanie, had just married Mike, the new youth director at our church, and DC was her first major move away from family in Alabama.  We became fast friends.  Well, I fast friend-ed her, maybe stalked her slightly... She was more shy (everyone is more shy in comparison to me) so maybe she friend-ed me a little slower.  She was a GOD SEND.  She loved the boys.  They loved her.  I got to have one of  my best friends come over and hang out all day every day.  She was there day in and day out of the second hardest year of Kevin and I's marriage, through a roller-coster of emotions, including two miscarriages.  

However, it was our first miscarriage that paved the way for our third angel to enter our lives.  We had moved into a slightly bigger place, that September, to make room for baby, only to discover they could not find a heartbeat at my 12wk sonogram.  That same week interns were moving to DC from all over the country to work at our church, and they needed host homes to live in.  Knowing the program was 9 months long, and it would take me at least that long to need the room again, we opened up our home to what became our next angel, Melanie.  God had a serious purpose for this one though, and we barely saw her, she was at church 24/7..... The program was CALLED 24/7.... I kid you not.

Melanie & Cub just hangin out during her minimal free time.

(I know you're thinking it, but don't say a thing...  The fact Cub is in every pic is not lost on me either.  Mental note firmly written force Logan in more pics and now AJ too!)

Moving on.... things started to get REALLY cray cray.....

On a Sunday after church, Rosah approached me.  At this point, we only knew each other in passing.  Out of the blue, she said she felt God was calling her to help me with my boys in some way and if I ever needed anything to let her know.  I politely thanked her, and let her know we had Stephanie, but would keep her in mind.  Two days later, on one of my crappiest days in recorded history, at 8:00am with tears in her eyes Stephanie showed up to watch the boys and let me know that 10 days from that moment, she and Mike would be moving to Colorado.  Commence massive cry fest.  Seven hours later, at my 12wk sonogram for our second baby bean, they could not locate the heartbeat and we were informed this pregnancy would not progress either.  Numb..... except for a still quiet voice that said 'Rosah'.  Hope.  I called Rosah immediately, and she was available to start the day Mike and Stephanie were moving.  Incredible.

It was August 2012 when Rosah, my 4th angel, came to our rescue.  Rosah lived with Kwanale, another fabulous woman from our church.  The boys quickly fall in love with Rosah, and she them, and I pick up some of my emotional wreckage in the wake of losing one of my best friends out here and lil baby bean on the same day.  

However, as the holidays approached, my newest angel was discovered.  Yes, I realize God doesn't misplace His angels, and so the concept of then having to 'discover' one, does not compute.... but I was a lil perturbed that despite Him telling me in Job 1:21 "The Lord gives, and The Lord takes away", that He was in fact doing just that.  I was havin myself a good 'ol Job moment!  (o.k. exaggerating just a tad there, but close ;))  In all honesty I was excited for Rosah as she was invited to work on staff at the Church, the perfect place for her!

 Rosah, Center stage, leading us in Worship.  Girlfriend's got some serious pipes. 

Things are about to move real fast from this point, I hope you can keep up, cause the end result is nothing short of miraculous!  Key pieces in play as we approach the 2012 holiday season.  Melanie is still occupying our 3rd bedroom.  Rosah who lived with Kwanale has moved out, and now lives with my friend Terri.  Rosah is going on staff at church on Jan. 7th, and will no longer be able to watch the boys.

We interrupt the previously scheduled programming to take a little field trip into the life of a women TOTALLY unbeknownst to us at this time,  Hannah.   Hannah experiences a little Christmas miracle of her own, in the small sleepy town of Pentwater, Michigan.  I should point out, dear reader, this sleepy little town is only a 30min drive from where I spent most of my summers growing up.  God's just funny like that I guess.  What was this Christmas miracle???  A sparkly engagement ring from the love of her life, Tim, who happens to be a Marine stationed in, you guessed it, Washington D.C..   Hannah can't imagine spending the next two years of their long engagement apart from her main man, and sets her sights on finding something a little closer.  She hits up the Internet, and WHAT DOES SHE FIND?!?!  Kwanale's listing for a room available to rent since Rosah had recently moved out.  Hannah jumps at the chance, packs her bags, and moves across the country to start the New Year that much closer to her new Fiance, unsure of what that future might hold for her.

Hannah's first Sunday in Alexandria, January 6th , Kwanale invites her to attend church with her at DC Metro.  Knowing that Hannah is looking for a job, and that Rosah had just left an opening in our home, Kwanale approached me after service and introduced us.  I invited Hannah over for lunch the next day to see if we'd be a 'good fit'.  She stayed the whole afternoon.

Melanie returned from her Christmas break, back home in Minnesota, with news that she had decided to leave the 24/7 program a couple months early, and would be moving back to Minnesota at the end of the month.  A week later, we learned that Kwanale's work Visa was expiring and she would be moving back to South Africa at the end of the month as well..... leaving me with an open room and Hannah with no place to live.  I. MEAN. REALLY?!?

Sooooooooooo........ Hannah moved in, JUST as I passed the 12wk mark with a healthy heartbeat on our NEWEST little bean.  This past year, has been INCREDIBLE.  Well obviously, as this post indicates, the past FEW years have been incredible.  Hannah continues to bless our family beyond measure in every way imaginable, I DO NOT deserve her, but will happily house her forever if she'd let me.  (We've seriously offered to start looking for a place with a sound proof honeymoon suite for when they get married)... you know me... you know I'm not kidding.  

Hannah and the boys before the Marine Corps Ball 

(Finally one WITH Logan and I even had more than one to pic from, apparently Logan just had to get happier in front of the camera, and I'm not a horrible mother for leaving him out.)

I'd like to say writing this will ensure I never question God still.... but I know me, and how easy it is for me to lose sight of the forest for the trees.  Case in point, the fact I  didn't even think to write this post until a year+ after many of the events transpired, and then at the behest of an exasperated friend that is like DO THIS... DO THIS NOW!   It really is awe inspiring, and ridiculously humbling.  You guys know me, I don't deserve this level of detailed care from God who just so happens to be commanding the Universe at the same time.  But, I'd be an idiot not to say Thank you and enjoy it for however long I get to hold these precious gifts and angels in my life, and am thankful for how much richer each one has made my life, my family, and our home!  LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Clearly not Clear

Whenever I start thinking about faith, it takes my lotto brain syndrome and puts it on overdrive.  Seriously spastic, so many thoughts at once.  I read THIS article, about stupid church cliches, with my morning coffee and giggled but kept saying YES, exactly!  Everyone of this author's 5 noted annoyances, were spot on.  "Loved on" is TOTALLY creepy, and nailing down things the Bible CLEARLY states is not my strong suit.

I mean it took me close to 30 years, and some days the voices in my head still wonder, which side of the coin I fall on... Heaven or Hell.  Friends don't freak out, we are much closer to 99% of the time being certain of that answer.  Quoting the Bible, and understanding it clearly, are too TOTALLY different things.

I think we all agree Jesus, His life, His work, His birth, death... so on and so forth.... are ALL amazing, super natural, and its why we all keep at trying to figure this thing called our life out.   However, I don't think any of us would hold Jesus in as high of a regard if throughout the Bible, while teaching everyone, we read over and over again "Well MY Dad said this.....".   Not like He couldn't have done that, it still would have been right, but hello arrogance.... prolly why He kept teaching humility.   

I like the "It is written...." statements, they're more my kind of flow.  I tend to bristle at, "It is written in this book, on this page, in this verse", I get that there is a time/place for it, some people honestly don't know that what you just said was in the Bible.  They think you're some kind of wise sage or something, and pointing them back to the source is key, but how do you toe that line carefully?   

As the author of the article noted, we respond better to the humble Pastor, "This is where study and prayer have led me, but I could be wrong", and yet we also CRAVE leaders.  We are constantly looking for people to lead us confidently, that will stand up and say, THIS way.  Then we get mad at them when they do, because how dare they.  It really is a no win situation.  

One of the biggest tenants of the Christian faith is that when we accept Jesus as our savior He takes up residence within us.  To me, this makes for a rather problematic situation, talk about too many cooks in the kitchen.  Great, now we got Jesus in us, but mine says I should be going this way, and your's says I should be going that way, and like 95%+ of our world population has serious trust issues anyway, soooooo.......  Yeah.

Thankfully actions speak louder than words, and God told us not to assess by the words someone says, but by their actions..... Then He also said we're all gonna screw up and fall short, which is why we needed Jesus in the first place.    Riiiiiiight..... Then the whole grace and forgiveness thing get's practiced, but lands us back in the trust issues.  See.  Spastic brain.  

I really like the actions based Gospel though... we are supposed to be doing, not just talking.  If I'm being honest, I liked it a little more before I became a mom.  The idea of great adventures, doing huge things like fostering, adopting, building safe houses, providing basic needs to those living without. Healing. Freeing.  Saving.... Staying totally honest, being a mom feels a little selfish to me at times.  I know its a totally oxymoronic statement, cause mom's by their very nature get to do very little for themselves while taking care of the needs of their family.  However this is what I wanted.  I wanted the family, so taking care of their needs is just part of it, and since it literally consumes ALL of my time, I feel selfish.  Don't worry, (or do) because the sheer number of voices in my head remind me I'm not being selfish, raising kids IS an adventure, and it is a HUGE thing. (I go back and forth between accepting the voices in my head, and worrying that I'm one voice away from a straight jacket).  However, I still get panicky because God's wired me in a way that I feel called to both be with and raise my kids AND still do those big things, so then I'm all on edge asking "when".... now, should I be doing that now, with them, am I missing it???  He'll calm me down for a bit, with reminders that my life is a journey not a race, and there will be time when kids are not this young and demanding (I've taken to calling this my sheep season), until I get spun up again next week and He has to convince me all over again :) 

So thankful that writing can take the spaz out of my brain and get it out on 'paper' so I can return to being a normally functioning adult..... I just feel bad for any of you reading it, cause I'm never entirely convinced you can follow my train of thought :)

Lotto Ball Brain

A very random blog post, because that is where my brain exists these days in a state of perpetual chaos.

Last week I left my house for a total of three hours.  Three.  No one was sick, there was no reason, other than the simple fact, that I never left.  Everyone else managed to get out everyday.  Kevin went to work, the boys went to parks, museums, adventures around the neighborhood with Hannah, I simply forgot to prioritize leaving. Who knew that was actually something that needed to be done.
 
Before baby and home school, my slow times at work meant I could volunteer at the church, grab coffee in the morning, or lunch in the afternoon with some girl friends.  Now, I'm either nursing lil' man, or working through school stuff with Cub.  My brain has turned into a lottery machine, out of thousands of combinations of things that could be done in a day, we never know what the winning combination is going to be.

Logan serenaded us with the following alphabet song this weekend: "ABC3EFGHIKJ"ELMO"PQXTY&Z, now my know my ABC's next time won't you sing with me", I thought maybe I'd work him into some of the lesson rotations so we could work out the kinks and get the alphabet down.  
I almost stabbed myself in the eye with a pencil today.  I knew subconsciously he would be a different kind of beast when it came to teaching, but after a half hour, and going from trying to do the ABC's through to the end, to just trying to do A, B, and C.... and STILL failing.  Riddle me this batman.... When you hold up a flash card and say "This is A, what is this?".... am I the only one that thinks hearing "A" repeated back makes sense?  Not, Logan.... he's my 'creative' child.... the sky is not blue with him, and crocodiles swim in the ocean waiting to flick you in the eye.  No, when I say "This is A, what is this?" to him, I get the following varying responses, "B", "H", "8", "O", and "I don't know tell me again mama".  A half hour was all the torture I could handle.  I started looking into theater classes for him after bed tonight.  Is three and a half to early to decide college might be a lofty goal?  I'll let you know in a year, when I decide to try the alphabet again.

I hate hashtags.  Seriously hate them, to such an irrational degree, that I've started linking the overall crisis that appears to be our nation to the development of hashtags.  Its really not that far of a leap if you think about it.  What once served a purpose to categorize statements within a 'cloud' of information, has been wholly corrupted to now draft entire paragraphs of garbled boldface run-on word sentences.  People that once had fully intelligible conversations, have been reduced to a literal punchline.  What's worse, its so pandemic that your brain can now automatically conjure the perfect hashtag for just about any instance.  The perfect example, when I finally did make it out of my house on Saturday, and realized for the first time I hadn't left but for 3 hours on Tuesday, my brain said "#momslife"......   Depressing.  Its contagious.  No matter the level of hatred, you read enough of them and you start thinking in Hashtag sentences.  My line in the sand is drawn though, I may not be able to control my brain, but outside of that example above, I can control my fingers and will not let them near that ridiculous sign.  The only caveat to that is if I finally get cool enough to use them for their intended purpose and categorize my blogs to different topics.  Using things for their intended purpose is o.k., telling me about your entire life in the boldface, run-on word/sentence, is not.

Kevin and I enjoyed a mini get-away to the Shenandoah wineries with some friends last weekend.  It was GORGEOUS.  Perfect fall colors.  We stopped in Sperryville first, and wandered through this antique shop while we waited for our friends to join us and I discovered a piece of heaven on earth.  The most beautiful, perfectly antiqued/distressed door, that has ever existed.  Yes, I know the picture door has been done.  My older sister likely invented it and its ALL over the boards of Pinterest, but imitation is the highest form of flattery they say, and as noted above there is simply NO room in my brain to try and develop creative ideas on my own.  So, thank-you to all you innovators that have gone before me, cause this beauty now absolutely COMPLETES my living room (well not really, seeing as how there is still plenty of other trinkets I'm looking for to make the space cozy, but this bad boy went a LONG way in helping us get there!)  Getting it home was an adventure unto itself, since despite my endless optimism it certainly was not going to fit in our car.  Thankfully our friends came to the rescue with a slightly bigger automobile that JUST managed to fit my beauty.  Kevin bowed in shame at my totally shame-LESS pleading to somehow, someway, make this work.... and they DID!!! Thanks Jade and Kevin!!!

 Can't wait to get my pictures developed that are going in the spaces, its gonna be awesome!

 Taken at Ducard winery, just at the base of Old Rag mountain on the fringes of Shenandoah National Park

We grabbed Dinner at "Its About Thyme" in Culpepper, and found this fun sign on the corner of their Main Street, of course we had to snag a picture!

Time to pick the next ball out of the lottery machine to see what I'm supposed to be doing next!

Lunch w/ Ann Voskamp

I had lunch with Ann Voskamp today.  It was so brief, she didn't even know about it, but it had quite the impact on me.

 I've been following all the happenings of the IF: movement, since it went public, and desperately wanted to attend the conference down in Austin.  Unfortunately it sold out its 1200 seats in 45 minutes, and I missed my chance.  Then the founders launched an auction for a few more seats WITH the opportunity to snag dinner with Ann Voskamp and Bianca Olthoff to sweeten the pot, and I was all but drooling.  Enter the teensy, tiny, fact that I have bills and babies, and the ever increasing bids upwards of $5K immediately squelched the ever so brief dream.

The dream may have crashed before it ever really took off, but my day dreams had just started taking flight.  Suddenly my lunch time turned into my date with Ann, (I didn't mean to slight Bianca, I'm sure I would have a lovely time with her too, but my brain is a fickle creature, and simply didn't add her to the day dream).  There we were, me all starry eyed, her wondering if my lack of speech was indicative of a developmental delay, or if I was about to go all single white female on her..... Neither of course being true.  When I finally managed to regain command over my speech, I asked my first, not realizing it would be my last, question.  "How do you do it?"..... An innocent enough question at face value, but toss in that she is a mother of 6, who Home schools, speaks around the world, and writes NY Times Best sellers, and it gets slightly more loaded.

Her response, in my fictitious daydream, shifted the entire paradigm in my very real... reality.  "Same as you", she said.

My brain tried its best to sabotage that small truth with its aptly rehearsed lies...  "No, No, No.... You are amazing"  (with the implied, I'm not) "I could never do what you do"..... It really was amazing how quick and fierce they came, one after the other.   But her little truth, just sat back there marinating for a bit..... and then started to build momentum.

You like to write too, accolades don't matter....  You have your babies too, how many doesn't matter..... You speak too, crowds don't matter....  You are being faithful in your attempt at Home School too, I've just had more time... more practice.

And then, ever so quietly, behind that internal conversation, I heard "Be faithful with little things, and more will be given" (Lk 16:10)....

Ok.... so I guess I had lunch with Ann Voskamp, AND God..... I know, I keep pretty cool company these days, and I didn't have to spend $5k to do so, Kevin will be thrilled ;)

Fake lunch is over... time to get a real one!

The Author of Insane

I had to go 'back to work' yesterday.  Twelve weeks FLEW by.  You know that weird place where you don't feel entitled to your own feelings.  That simply by feeling them, you are betraying some unwritten rule.  That's how I felt.  When there are 30+ other women pregnant with you at the same time, and you watch 50%+ have to endure that excruciating day, where they leave their sweet lil babe behind for the first time and return to work, you come up short.

Then I read THIS.  It helped put into words a little of what I was feeling, and that much of the anxiety I was feeling, I was bringing on myself.  Two weeks ago, Kevin and I went on a double date into DC.  This was when I realized I really wanted "sporty" mom to rise to the surface so I could burn off/firm up the fluff AJ left behind.  With work impending, "corporate" mom also needed to find her place in the shuffle, and as I continue playing with what Home School looks like in our house, "teacher" mom is clamoring for her place at the table as well.  Then "cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, loving on kids, and nursing" mom couldn't be silenced either.... while "wife" nagged in the back of my head....and even on top of that was still "me".    What resulted was a mini-implosion.  One step forward, resulted in two steps back.  I was overwhelmed.   I shut down.  I don't think you would notice it from the outside, maybe you could, I thought I hid it well.  Rather than embracing that it's a LOT to wrap my brain around, I just started yelling at myself to get my act together, toe the line of thankfulness, and it just resulted in a whole lot of unproductivity.

I don't think its quite possible for guys to understand 'girl' brain.  Imagine a room, where sporty, corporate, teacher, and catch 'all mom are talking at the same time as wife, self, and friend.  Then toss in the enemy shouting lies over all that, and a 'quiet' voice trying to tell you which way to go.  Add to that any kids you have asking you questions at the same time, and an infant screaming to be fed, held, or played with, and hearing that 'quiet' voice becomes quite the challenge.  

A glimpse into the chaos that was my head:

How do I schedule my day?  We need groceries.  What am I going to cook?  How much work am I going to walk back into?  Man, my house is a MESS. This is hard.  No, you can't say this is hard, I'm supposed to speak life.  O.k....   I can do this. How?  How am I going to do this?  Stop it Julie, that is not faith, you're supposed to trust.  I do.... shut up self.   Seriously though, how am I supposed to work out, have a quiet time, work, clean, shop, cook, and school?  You're not.  Thanks God, I appreciate the grace there, but I am.  No.  Your not.  O.k.... which one don't I do?  You do them all.  God... your contradicting yourself, your not supposed to do that.  I wouldn't do that, if you didn't interrupt me.   Sorry.  You do them all, at different times, I'm working on discipline and obedience.   RIIIIIIGHT...... not my strong suits.   Alright, I hope you have a solid game plan for this God, cause I can't see past about 5 minutes in front of me.... speaking of which, writing this blog, can I do that?  Am I wasting time?   No, this is my gift to you.... words.... time to think and get it out of your head so you can move on.   Now move on.

O.k. God.... I think I got it.... but maybe you don't go to far away alright, cause this is a little insane.
Sweet daughter, you forget, I'm the author of insane, and I've never left your side.

Left of Center

I'm taking a few Regent classes this fall again, through the Leadership Institute our church has, and I busted out laughing at our homework question for the day.  This weeks reading had to do with discovering our true, God-given selves, and living lives that complement that self, using the gifts God gives us, and staying within the boundaries/limits He imposes.

My true self, is an extreme extrovert.  My element is surrounded by people, coordinating events, hosting things, creating community, listening to people's life story and connecting with them through my own.  I love order and process.  So living under house arrest as an employee from home, while surrounded by the constant chaos of three kids 5 and under, and being called to home school, seems about as polar opposite from my 'true self' as one could get.

The reading gave 'some warning signs that indicated we might be straying from the center of God's will for our lives':

·             I am anxious

·         I am rushing or hurrying

·         My body is in a knot

·         I am doing too many things

·         My mind cannot stop racing

·         I am driving too fast

·         I am not able to fully present with people

·         I am irritable about the simple tasks of life, like having to wait in line at the supermarket.

·         I am skimming over time with God.

According to those warning signs, I would be tempted to draw the conclusion that God and I were no longer even on the same map, let alone anywhere NEAR center.  I always knew I was a few degree's left of center ;)  However, I also know God has placed me here in this season of life, blessed me with the same wonderful family that engenders all those crazy feelings, and is using ALL of it to perfect the work He began in me.

But seriously.... I would love to meet the mother of young children that would not say yes, to close to 90% if not the full 100% (like me) of the things on this list.  Anxious..... It's relative.  I have peace, that ultimately it's God's plan for their/my lives, and I'm just stewarding the gifts He's given me to the best of my ability.  However, when you read Mark 9:42, tell me you don't gulp just a little, praying to God you don't cause your kids to stumble through your own short comings.    It's like a mafia hit or something... mill stone around the neck and tossed into the sea.... hello Jersey & the East River?!?

Rushing/Hurrying/Doing to many things..... I'm pretty sure that is the definition of Motherhood, as defined by Urban Dictionary.

My body is in a knot.... every single day, when the baby is sleeping and a loud noise inevitably crashes through the house.... so the ENTIRE nap time as both older boys play WAR.

Fully present.... yes of course, I'm fully present, as my children interrupt me 46 times an hour.

Irritable about the simple tasks of life.... Nothing is simple with small children... ESPECIALLY the line at the supermarket.

Driving too fast.... no I prefer to go the speed limit, while the infant is losing his ever loving mind in his car seat, because some one poked him, or hit him with a flying object that the other two were tossing about.

Skimming over my time with God.... This one is a hit or miss... time in His word.... skimming is likely accurate.... however we are in constant conversation throughout the day, as I mumble "Help me Jesus", or ask for direction in which of the 37 tasks I could complete is the one I should actually do next.

The assignment did provide some interesting food for thought though, after I got past the uncontrolled giggle fest.  Too often I'm tempted to focus on the 'fun' parts of God's Word, His Grace, His desire for Good in our lives.  I want to believe that if its tough, if it hurts, if I don't want to do it.... I shouldn't have to, I mean God wants me to be happy right?  It's not as sexy to read the parts of getting refined by fire, about the trials He guarantees we'll face.  That's what helps me remember, that His happy.... is an eternal Happy.  The happy that comes from succeeding at something that was insanely difficult.... a life well lived.  Raising kids is HARD, pouring into your marriage can be hard, but at the end of the day, doing so day after day, year after year.... will be the thing that gets me to the end of my life, satisfied with a life well lived.

Brotherly Love... or Not

There is a common misconception that church folk are supposed to have it all together.  Perfect marriages, obedient and well behaved children, slow to anger, etc...

Then there is real life.

We had AJ dedicated on Sunday.  Which means I actually cared what my kids walked out of the house wearing that morning.  Socks matched, pajama shorts were vetoed, and we had to have a long discussion as to why the tux, while rightfully reserved for special occasions, could not make an appearance on stage this particular Sunday.  

Clothing should have been the least of my concerns.

Our church likes to capture pictures of events like dedications and baptisms to use in future promotions, marketing, etc.... so they have a team of volunteer photographers that capture these special occasions.  They captured a little something extra special this past Sunday.... Enjoy the following series of shots.........

The boys decided to take it upon themselves to display their brotherly love.... Caleb incites Logan with the 'stink eye'

Logan assesses the situation.... all adults are otherwise preoccupied... no witnesses... SCORE.... I see your stink eye and raise you a KICK IN THE FACE!

Notice the high cheeks on Logan's face... smiling, rather proud of himself, while Caleb recovers from his whiplash!

Oh no.... Dad's got tight lips and a death grip on my leg now.... But I can still smile, cause Caleb hasn't recovered yet.

Blasted... Denied for round 2.... but Dad's at least smiling now... and so are the Pastor's... maybe I can get away with this cause I'm cute???

Thanks Logan, for keeping it 'real'..... We'd hate for people to struggle thinking they have to have it all together to go to church.... at least they can rest assured their kids aren't trying to concuss their siblings on stage.

For The People?!?

School house rock's "I'm just a bill on Capitol Hill", and a years worth of government in high school is the extent on my education the political workings of our great nation.  I still say great nation, because I believe at our heart we are.  Unfortunately I've become thoroughly convinced in these last few months/years that we are not what our Constitution says, "A government by the people, of the people, and for the people".  Of the people sure... my children are 'of the people'.  "For the people" is outright laughable, and by the people is debatable at best.

I'm pissed.  What is happening right now is wrong to its core, and I want desperately to do something about it, and I know I'm not alone.  The problem, I have no idea what TO DO.  The only things I've ever heard/seen are to march for your beliefs, or write/call your congressman.  I'm honestly curious if that has ever worked for anyone?  Seriously comment if it did, cause I wanna know.  Which leaves me with likely 90%+ of the rest of the population.... pissed, with nothing to do about it.

These are the facts I've heard in the last week, if they are wrong, I'd appreciate someone correcting them for me, cause it would likely help give me better perspective on this whole thing:

• All furloughed employees are getting retro-active pay.  Which in my world means us tax payers will be footing the bill for this indeterminate paid vacation, where we don't even have access to the perks of the taxes we are required to pay. (Monuments, Museums, Parks, etc...)  http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/house-votes-to-approve-back-pay-for-furloughed-workers/2013/10/05/936c5b4c-2ddc-11e3-8ade-a1f23cda135e_story.html
• The deadlock comes down to arguments over the Affordable Care Act/Obamacare, which is NOT affordable, unless your in America illegally, incarcerated, or living below the poverty line... Quoted from the government news article.(http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/DC-Decoder/2013/1001/Obamacare-101-What-to-know-if-you-opt-out-of-buying-health-insurance). So that 'middle class' relief that was discussed.... lie.  The 'calculator' link (http://kff.org/interactive/subsidy-calculator/) showed my family would have to pay a $10K+ premium, and additionally $12K is our max out of pocket.  For reference our current insurance is more than HALF that!
• Also, from all the media hype I'm hearing the shutdown is the Republicans fault for not signing off on funding Affordable Care Act.  I'm sorry, but when I saw the chart of what our debt has climbed to and is projected to continue based on this legislature, it is simply irresponsible to NOT stand in its way until an alternative can be presented.  With the majority party in office currently being Democratic, stop pointing fingers and find a better way to fund what you want!  https://www.cbo.gov/publication/44521.....  For all the flack GW caught, at least the line held for his 8 years.... then it doubles almost overnight.... how does that not scare anyone else???  You can't blame EVERYTHING on someone else, at some point you've got to stand up and take responsibility.
• When people do follow process, attend town halls, and raise valid points, they are forcibly ejected and arrested.  http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/09/21/watch-father-forcefully-ejected-town-hall-forum-asking-common-core-question

So what can we do?  How do we clean house, literally?  Any ideas???

The Accidental Play Date

World War Z's got nothing on my house these days....  Except I feel like the zombie, and my children are on the war path.  You would think the zombie status has something to do with sleepless nights attributed to a newborn... you would be wrong.  AJ is a freaking child prodigy when it comes to sleep and has been giving us 12 hour nights for 2.5wks now, so I'm not sleepless, just battle weary.   This only added to my total anxiety after seeing the world's 'back to school' pics, that I have forever screwed up our lives by not enrolling Cub in Kindergarten.   So God and I had a little heart to heart today, which looked a lot like me hitting my head while plugging my ears as an escape from the RIDICULOUS NOISE in my house.  Since the decibels in this house have been rivaling that of a scream-o  concert, we've been spending quite a bit of time outdoors, in a weak attempt to salvage any portion of my hearing and sanity.  However, the parks haven't been doing much to assuage my anxiety about homeschooling, given Cub is like a foot taller than any other kid at the playground, with them all back in school..... Until today!

God must have sensed my rapidly approaching major freak out, cause we ventured out to the park today, and first thing I noticed were some boys Cub's size playing.  Then my ears perked up as two of the mom's talking nearby were talking about their home school curriculum.  If women ever fully outgrow the initial insecurities of approaching other women strangers, I wouldn't know yet.  I did that slow awkward walk over, where its kinda obvious you're approaching them, but trying not to draw attention to yourself yet.  Then when you are obviously lurking and they finally look your way, you almost act surprised they looked your way... my winning introduction went something like this "oh hi, how are you, just happened to notice you were talking about homeschooling stuff"  (maybe I noticed cause I've heard every word you've both said for the last 5 minutes, but don't mind me).  People think I'm outgoing, and I am, but for the record it doesn't make the initial introductions any less awkward.

It was awesome!  These women welcomed me immediately into their conversation, their kids are right at the same ages as mine, and they have a regular Wednesday morning play date, where the 4 of them and their collective 12 kids get together to play.  They also let me know of the even bigger gathering that occurs every Friday at another local park!  Wahoo!   Now I don't have to be the creepy school playground person, that hangs at the local school to hit recess so my kids can play with people their own age range....  We did that once last week.... it was weird, I don't recommend it.  I think the only reason they didn't call the cops on me was because I had a baby strapped to my chest, something about those non-threatening infants.

Confession time.... until today, I hadn't opened the boxes of home school curriculum we got, to be honest, they seriously freaked me out.  We've been working on the "Teaching Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lesson's" book all summer, and that had been what I was counting as our 'school' up till now.  After our accidental play date, I was encouraged to bite the bullet, came home and opened them up.  I reviewed the first few weeks/months of content while the boys had quiet/nap time and was SO excited to see that most of the material is stuff I feel pretty confident with Cub's performance in reading now, that he'll grasp quickly!

No matter how many times you hear/learn that you will get 'attacked' as you try to follow God's plan for your life, when you finally get that confirmation that you're on the right path, it feels SO good!  So thankful for the accidental play date today!  NOW.... if He would just weigh in on how to get two miniature humans to love each other rather than contrive new and devious ways to annoy the other and me in the process, we'd REALLY be onto something!

AJ's Newborn Pics!

I've determined new born photography is an act of masochism for moms.  It's just not natural in that first week to find the energy and perfect timing, to have napped and fed your new born into oblivion so you get sweet malleable mush baby for pictures.  THEN transform the exhausted mama mess into something you'd be willing to hang on your wall and look at for years to come!  When you add a couple more kids to the mix and have to keep their clothes clean and negotiate smiles under said exhausted state, your house becomes such a pleasant place..... Ha!

Despite all of THAT.... we did it.... again :)   And AGAIN, I'm so happy we did.  My girlfriend Michelle, an incredible wedding photographer offered to help me capture some images of our family that first week.  I have to laugh at the ridiculousness of the illusion the pictures create.... a peace filled home where we're all put together, smiling, and oh how quiet a picture is... quiet.... what is THAT?   I looked like that for all of one hour that day.... as soon as the camera was put away, I was back in pajama's and I think I took a two hour nap, totally spent at having created an image I'd be willing to hang on the wall.  I wanted to share some of the awesomeness that was created, cause I just LOVE them, and all the handsome men I get to be surrounded by now!

 Thanks Michelle VanTine Photography for the amazing pic's  I LOVE them!!!!