Kids & Parents.... Kinda the same thing

Keeping up with my theme of "Thankful til Thanksgiving", I realized I was running out of days, and was still thankful for so many things yet to be mentioned. So I'm combining two, that after thinking about it, share many of the same qualities!

Parents: They get you out of bed before you want to, they make you eat healthy, they don't let you stay out too late, you get punished if you party too hard, you have to watch your language around them, and they force you to clean.

Kids.... Pretty much the same thing. Granted the 'forcing/punishing' isn't direct.... but I dare you to try and eat a bowl of ice cream for dinner in front of them, while attempting to push broccoli at them... not gonna happen. Better yet, try hanging at a club till 2am, like the old days, then wake up at 5:30 to someone that wants to play, and won't be quiet until you do.... then we can talk about punishment.

While they can both be difficult to handle at times, my definition of love would not be nearly as multi-faceted with out them. I would never have truly understood the meaning of sacrificial love without having my own children, and although I was rebellious to it at the time, my parents tough love, taught me discipline, independence, financial acumen, and respect.

My boys, with their unassuming charm, infectious smiles, belly laughs, and sweet hearts bring more joy to my life than I thought possible. Their never ending questions, whines, and complete and total lack of understanding as to the wake they leave in their path also test my patience and sanity in unimaginable ways. Those two factors strike a delicate daily balance, that together, have taught me that grace truly is anew every day, that we can forgive way more than seventy times seven, and has shown me what unconditional love truly looks like. Being a parent revolutionized my understanding of God's love.

Family is where lessons are lived out. In some cases they can take decades to understand, but it is the one community of people that you are tied to for your entire life. Whether its seeking/giving grace or mercy, forgiveness, self control, patience, kindness, service, letting go of the need for acceptance, and learning to find freedom in your own life, the family dynamic seems to be where much of it is played out. I love my family, immediate, and extended so very much, and am so thankful for the growth I see in my own life as result of their influence on it.

Today I'm Thankful for my Church!

I've missed a few "Thankful Till Thanksgiving" status updates again... Going into the weekend, I knew it would be a fantastic weekend, but its defied even my own expectations.

Today I am thankful for a church that defies expectations, that doesn't let me get a handle on it, that doesn't let me fall into step along side, but that always leaves me chasing, arms wide open, outstretched, with reckless abandon and hope filled exhilaration!

Have you ever found a place, that simultaneously accepts you, loves you, needs you, entertains you, challenges you, teaches you, and calls you out of yourself... the real you... the you even YOU weren't sure existed? It's an adventure everyday..... it never get's old, and you never know what to expect next.

My soul craves adventure! It's why I always new I'd someday move out of Michigan, and why when the opportunity came around to turn our lives upside down again and move to Virginia, I jumped at it. Sure there was some anxiety with both moves, and things I've missed about both places I've moved from... but with each move I learn a TON more about myself!

Michigan to Texas proved I could do it. I was strong enough to make it, and while that first year was anything but easy, calling and crying for home more than a few times, I got stronger.

This time around, I knew I could do it... and I changed the mistakes I'd made the first time, that had made that first move so miserable in the beginning. I didn't wait for friends to find me, wait around for my phone to ring, and then get depressed when it didn't because surely that meant no one liked me. This time, I plugged myself in everywhere, to everything, and everyone and then waited to see what stuck. If I was bored, or needed to chat, I called someone... I know.... novel idea, but it took me awhile to come up with, believe it or not.

This move, its quite obvious, its my faith that's growing by leaps and bounds. I went from critic, to skeptic, to euphoric.... From "Love God, just not his fan club"... to "there is no way this is for real.... but why would they make this up?", to "wait a minute... this is for real... I want a piece of the action!" Until you push yourself over the edge of an adventure, you never get the chance to figure out how you're going to stick the landing. I'm still free falling in my current adventure, and honestly in no hurry to pull the rip cord!

We've all, at one wedding or another, heard the famous Corinthians verse that ends in 13:7 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things", DC Metro takes this to the extreme! I had thought about not sharing the numbers here that my church is believing for, out of my own fear that if they don't come through, that failure could reinforce someone else struggle with a lie that its just not possible. However, I didn't start to overcome that lie, until I started seeing proof positive that it happens.... so hoping this step of faith pans out for someone else!

So are you ready for this.... you can come back on Sunday Dec. 4th for the results as that's when they'll be announced to us....

For a church with a membership of 1200 people.... with a diverse economic background, centering around average.... meaning not 1200 millionaires... uh... duh, cause we go there... SO not a millionaire! The belief is that in ONE week... ONE... we can raise $500K, and have commitments for another $5M... That's FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, to come in over the course of the next year.

Stop right there, I know what you're thinking cause I thought the same thing.... "commitment" so easy to write a great intention on a piece of paper but not follow through... In a generation where we can barely get a 50% response rate to an Evite for an event occurring the next day...."commitment" is a scary word. Not in my church... No sir... not today ;)!

From a self proclaimed critic then skeptic, I am now euphoric because I truly do believe... no reservations believe.... I've graduated from the "Yeah, I believe... in theory that sounds fantastic"... to "It WILL happen... just you wait and see". You wanna know the best part about it? I used to be nervous saying something like that... because, well what if it doesn't. You know what, if I ended up being the only person that gave to this drive (which I already know I wasn't) I know God would use those funds to accomplish all he had planned anyway... he's got his sights set on a building, and if that building was $5M right now, and all we got was half that.... then when its time to buy, the selling price on that building would be $2.5M!

Can you feel the euphoria baby?!? Call it delusional... call it what you will... but I'm happy, truly over the moon in LOVE with every aspect of my life and all the people in it... can you say that?

If you can't... why don't you try throwing yourself into a new adventure... shake up the church routine, check some new ones out, go across a denomination or two, until you find one that speaks to YOU.... they are NOT all the same, growing up Catholic, I can say that WITHOUT a doubt! But God's in all of them somewhere, so go find him!

Today I am Thankful for the Women in my Life!

So I started doing the "Thankful till Thanksgiving" posts on Facebook, and its been great spending the days looking for the thing I am MOST thankful for that day! Today however I was thinking of all the ladies in my life that have left a lasting impression, and when I tried to come up with a small little post detailing how thankful I am for each and everyone one of you in my life, it seemed to minimize all ya'lls impact!

So... you get you're own blog! I figured I could write it out, and attach it to the status update without spamming all of facebook, although I hope each and every one of you read it... cause YOU were who I wanted to spam!

(This is obviously in NO particular order, and I will likely be working on this for the rest of the day in my free time, in an HONEST effort not to forget the contributions of even ONE of you, but please please please please please.... if you read to the bottom and you are not mentioned, don't believe for a second that you did not impact my life in some way, I am human with tired mama brain, it was NOT intentional!)

Jilly Bean: You've stood the test of time... all my insanity, when I had no clue who I was, you were there loving me anyway, and welcoming me back when I finally saw the error of my ways. Thank you for being so amazing, being my sister, my best friend in the whole world, and getting me like few can... I love you!

Amanda & Jen: I love and look forward to our Christmas/Summer rendezvous, watching each others kids getting bigger, swapping stories, and catching up!

Melissa, Allison, and Anna: THANK YOU! Young Life changed the course of my life... while I didn't realize it then, I certainly do now... and I have you and your wonderful guidance in my life during those formative years to thank for that!

Holly, Katie, Liza: Ya'll are hilarious, and while we don't hang out so much anymore, you are still very much in the forefront of all my middle school/H.S. memories, and it was awesome reconnecting this spring and being reminded that even a decade apart we can still have a blast!

Carrie: We shared a crazy nomadic life style our senior year in H.S., and now you are my window to adventure down in South Beach!

Kasey: You and your sister both crack me up, and I love knowing both of you! Your sense of humor is the same, and it always comes off without a hitch! I love that when we see each other its always under the most random of occurances, and yet we still have a great time!

Crystal: You have been in my prayers for going on 15+ years. I pray you feel GOD's love for you, and live out of that overflow, searching for other people to love you the way only God can is an impossible task, fraught with disappointment. I love you, and will continue praying for you.

Tonya & Jenny: Both ya'll held my most precious babes at some point, and I will always be grateful to you for your help in raising some totally awesome dudes, thank you for pouring love into them!

Rachel: You were the first example of motherhood I could relate too, your sense of humor and candor crack me up even a thousand miles. I am so thankful for all your stories

Renee: You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen! You give and give and give of yourself, never asking for a thing in return. I'm so thankful for the years we spent together in Austin, and that Cubby has an Aunt Nene!

Kaley: I've loved watching you embrace your role as a mama, you are amazing at it, and Selah is blessed! You are so sweet, and you are an awesome boost for my ego thinking I have any clue what I'm doing ;)

Lacey: You always perfectly personified "Texas" for me :) You love big, you laugh big, your heart is big. You welcome anyone and everyone and treat them like family. I love being a part of your 'family'!

Kristen, Courtney, Katherine: Ya'll were the best small group a girl could ask for in Austin! It's been amazing watching you all become mama's and seeing your beautiful babes grow on FB! I wish I could meet each of them in person, but if that day doesn't come, hearing the stories of their antics and seeing their cute faces on Facebook will have to suffice! Katherine, I wish you ALL the best, as you embark on the adventure as life as a missionary with your family!

Emily, Becca, Jessica: Oh the fun we had :) Yes... THAT just happened!! I'm still holding out hope that one of these vacation times we'll be able to join ya'll and have so much fun with our growing families!

Sarah: Your faith has always been an inspiration to me, no matter the struggles or hardships you endure, your faith is not shaken!

Sara: You amaze me! All you do, mostly, if not all, on your own.... kids, practically a zoo of animals, a garden, a library, and now school.... You make me tired just thinking about it!

Ang: Your perseverance, courage, faith, forgiveness, and grace... so many awesome qualities on display for the world to see!

Jenny: Sure we had a healthy dose of sibling rivalry, but you are an amazing mom to soon to be FOUR... you pour out your life for those kids, and I can see it in their adoration of you!

Rebecca: Yes, we had are share of sibling rivalry as well, but its exciting to see you stepping out on your own with Travis now! I'm so excited for you, and can't wait to see all the adventures you have in your life!

Annie, Sarah, Julie, Heidi, Blake, Amy, Katie: Ya'll are the best cousins, and cousins in-law a girl could ask for... seriously! Family reunions are top priority to make because it would mean a chance to catch up with ya'll... and I'm hoping as the years go on, we can continue planning fun family outings so OUR kids can meet and have all the fun we did with our own cousins growing up!

Julie R: Your smile and laugh are infectious and you light up a room, it is a joy just to be near you. Your belief in me, makes me believe in myself and I can't thank you enough for that!

Stephanie: You quite literally save my life everyday... I was thankful for our friendship before you ever started watching the boys, and now, its that much more awesome having a friend with me in my house everyday, literally living out life with me... I couldn't do it without you!

Linsay: I love EVERYDAY that you are staying in the D.C. area... and now that you're even contemplating house hunting, so exciting! I've loved developing our friendship together and hope we get to continue doing so for years to come!!

Taryn, Andee, Julie S: Inspirational leaders and woman of faith, thank you for pouring out your hearts in service to the church, your husbands, and families! I am so thankful to have the opportunity to know you!

Natalie: I love doing our crazy, hectic, everyday mama lives together.... so hectic in fact that it quite often doesn't seem like we're doing them together, but knowing someone is there is always the comfort!

Nancy, Jenn, Kaci, Courtney, Julia: Ya'lls unwavering support to your husbands in service, and the sacrifice you endure without flinching is inspirational!

Marci & Terri: The hilarity that ensues when we are together is priceless!

Esther, Jessica S, Jessica E, Ebony, Tamara, Summer, Melissa, Julie L., Rainbow, Kristina, Katherine, Chelsea B, Mary Ruth, Victoria, Torrey, Christina, Sarah, Dawn, Michelle, Tiara, Tyler, Shannon, Amanda, Amber, Heather, Charity, Faith, Emily, Katie, Keirsten, Kim, Kris, Stephanie, Lindsay, Maria, Melanie, Tiffany.... The list can go on, of this I am sure.... but this place is now home because of each and everyone one of you! Thank you for your hearts, your smiles, words of encouragement, help, friendship, fun, ear to listen, or offer for prayer, it is all appreciated!

(Mom, Diane, Gramma's, Aunts, don't worry you weren't forgotten... you'll just get you're own post soon :))

As I made this list, it became quite obvious that I don't get to spend anywhere NEAR as much time as I would like to with everyone on it... whether their 5 minutes, or 500+ miles away. However, the constant with each one of you is that when I do see you, talk to you, or facebook you the connection is instant and we can just pick up where we left off.... whether that's still learning about each other, or just adding a little water to an already well planted friendship.

While I was writing them out, the following characteristics I could have listed for each and everyone of you, but that would have made for a repetitive/monotonous post, so I opted to include them all at the end: Thank you for your pure heart, the transparency of your soul, the inspiration to live a bigger more full life, and the grace you pour out on me when I fall short. Thank you for letting me be me, and loving me anyway :) I love each and everyone of you! Though the time lapses between can drag on, know you had a impact on me, and I am eternally thankful to have you in my life!

Love,

~*~Julie~*~

The Great Healthcare Debate... no not Obama's... mine

Why does health care have to be the BIGGEST pain in the butt!?! I want to find a good (dare I say it... great) Internist. I just learned this word today. Apparently its a fancy word for Doctor that specializes in overall adult care... we find pediatricians for our babes, and apparently 'Internists' are for the parents. In my research, this was better than finding an overall 'Family Care Provider' or 'General Practioner', because those Dr's have to know very little about everything from Diaper Rash to early onset Alzheimer's.... Instead I'll stick with Pediatricians specializing in all things to do with my babes, and find an Internist that is schooled in the art of identifying and addressing the issues that plague us as we age.

I found a great one.... I REALLY want to go to her. All of the information about the practice was how it specializes in treating the whole patient, mind, body, and soul through a collection of homeopathic and natural treatments. Don't worry peeps, I'm not going all woooosaaaa on you, my soul is covered, and quite healthy, as I have THE Great Physician taking care of things on that front... and he's free.... if only the rest could be that good! However, the natural, homeopathic methods for treating ailments is right up my alley. They're approach is a minimum of an hour initial visit to understand the patient and their needs, and do a full work up to understand what they're working with. It's not even on the same playing field as 99.9% of the other options out there, that will allow the nurse to weigh you, check your blood pressure, then sit you in a room for 10 minutes while you wait for a Doc... who will work with you for all of MAYBE 10 minutes prior to giving you some off the cuff diagnosis and moving on, possibly offering half a dozen pill popping prescriptions as your door prize for your trouble.... but then again you may have to wait for the 2nd or 3rd visit to actually get those.

So what am I complaining about.... why don't I just go to this wonderful woman?!? She is out of network, because the work they provide doesn't gel with the billing practices of Insurance companies that pay by how many patients you're able to see in an hour. God forbid you see ONE patient in an hour... Well actually God didn't forbid that at all.... these money grubbing insurance companies did! Grrrrrrr!!!!! The initial visit without insurance is $235.... yes QUITE a bit steeper than the $10 copay to grin and bear the machine that is in-network healthcare.

So now I'm torn. I want quality... this is my health we are talking about. For any I may have concerned that I'm dying or something with this post... rest assured, as far as I know I'm perfectly healthy. I would just like to stay that way, and am trying to find that ONE Dr. I feel comfortable sticking with that would actually be intelligent and diligent enough to identify something if it should come up in the future. Do I pay the steep price for the practice that matches what I'm looking for.... or continue taking my chances that in a 10 minute meeting once a year, some random Doc's gonna be able to tell me with any level of accuracy if something is actually wrong?

It would appear as though I answered my own question. The hiccup is I'm healthy, why mess with a good thing? If I thought there was something to find, I wouldn't blink at that price tag, but when I've been blessed with health for 29.5 years and paid nothing for it, my brain doesn't understand the logic of paying that kind of money, when a different Dr. could give me the same physical for a fraction of the cost.

What to do? The Great Debate continues....

Remembering Who I Am

This is a midnight post, even if my dumb time stamp doesn't ever record properly, so I warn you in advance... this is Julie 'unplugged'... It may not make sense, it probably won't flow, but I had a lot in my head I wanted to get out so I could go to sleep :)

Did anyone watch Private Practice tonight? I did, and one of the story line sequences stuck with me. The story line was of this woman, she was in a car accident just before learning she was pregnant and couldn't retain any memory since the accident, not even a conversation occurring moments before, or the fact she was pregnant... despite a growing belly. For anyone that saw that Drew Barrymore/Adam Sandler Movie... pretty much the same thing, only were Drew could remember everything until she slept again, this women couldn't remember past 2-3 minutes.

So I was at Sisterhood tonight (did ya' like that transition... yeah sleepy time), they did their first annual Night of Pink, a night bringing awareness to Breast Cancer and honoring supporting any and all who are impacted by it, the ladies who set up knocked it outta the park, looked amazing! Anyway, Taryn get's up and starts in on her message... (sidebar... I love how real Taryn is, and that she's willing to share her 'hot mess' moments with us, especially when those speak directly to every insecurity I hold about being a mom.) Right...back to the message... It was about "Remember who we are, Remember who God is, and Remember all that he still has to do through us".

Go back with me now to the Private Practice episode that came on 15 minutes after I got home from hearing that message. Guess who feels like the lady in the car accident with a 2 minute recall button now?!?

Seriously people, my dementia is BAD... I think there might be a slight touch of adult ADHD in there to (I know... massive shocker to so many of you) which doesn't help matters. Yes, I know my name, and all my memories are still in tact.... but most days I honestly feel like I could be walking around and someone could be telling me "You are a cherished daughter of God, loved beyond all comprehension, and capable of anything" and two minutes later (or less some days) I could look back at them blankly and say "huh?"

It mirrors so closely to the story line, because I can draw up pretty much ANY pre-believing (or pre-accident as the storyline goes) memory with ease.... and dwell there for as long as I want (or usually don't want).... but after... if I don't have my reminders telling me who I am and what that means, I can forget all to easily. It reinforces to me JUST how important the community you are surrounded with is. When I'm away from a strong message for too long, I feel it.... If I'm surrounded by negativity or negative influences, I feel it.... Heck if I'm by MYSELF for too long... and I don't force my mind to retain my new memories, the old ones come in, take hold, and it can be quite the fight in my brain for whose gonna win that one. (Yes, there are quite often voices in my head, but I seem to be a functioning psychotic, so let's keep the straight jackets put away just for a little while, shall we?).

Well that's it... That was my big Ah-ha moment of the night that I had to get out of my head so it didn't keep spinning. Luckily now that I have an image in my head, of my so called 'dementia', I can use some of the tactics they employed to battle it... Constant reminders, posted everywhere, at every turn, reminding me who I am and what that means.

Now if I can JUST remember to do that in the morning.... wait... what was I saying again.... Goodnight all!

Loving the Mess

Caleb came to my room last night, around midnight, and in a very small quiet voice asked if he could snuggle. Given the rather raucous noises my nose has been making the past few nights, Kevin had opted to sleep down stairs, so I told Caleb he could climb in but that I'd have to take him back to his bed in a bit.

We snuggled, his tiny warm body curled right into mine, and his little hand resting on my arm. I was loving every second of it, but knew I could not sleep like this, so started to stir with the intent of moving him back to his bed. He gripped my hand, and with his lower lip jutted out and a slight quiver to his voice said, "No mommy, please let me stay here, I don't want the big man to get me."

This, of course, sent about a million alarms ringing in my head, and I had to fully vet it out. So we started down the line of questioning on what big man, when did he get you, what in the world are you talking about... After learning that this big man had apparently been at the park when Logan and I had been with him (of which I could definitely confirm had not happened in reality), I was slightly at ease this had only occurred in dreamland. However, real or not, no big man was going to be getting my son that night, so he had secured his spot next to me for the remainder of the night. I didn't get much sleep, as I had predicted, but I did enjoy every minute snuggling my little man.

Three and a half years into this parenting thing and I still can't seem to get a pulse on how quickly situations change when it comes to kids.... I mean the day before you have a kid, you can't imagine what your life will look like with them in it... then seconds after you meet them, you can't imagine life without them. One minute your calmly answering the 3000th "why" of the day, or bouncing the screaming baby, and the next second you snap in frustration, then just as quickly lapse into the horrible mama guilt for having not held your cool. Or, last night, I plan cuddle for a few minutes waiting for the comfort of my own bed to fall asleep, and moments later I could care less about staying up all night as the protector of all things seen and unseen.

It shocks me how many times my perspective shifts in one day, I can't keep up. One minute I'm thinking, this is the LONGEST season of my life, will my house NEVER be clean again, will the dependence never end... Then I'll get a hug, hear an "I love you Mama", or snuggle away a nightmare and wonder how many more times I'll have the power to chase away the bad with a hug. How long will this season last, where he'll run up and hug me for no reason and tell me how much he loves me, where he'll walk up to strangers in the grocery store, stick out his hand introduce himself, and ask that stranger "How's your day?". I love the fact the season of sweetness is extended as Logan nips at Caleb's heels, and think of having another to extend the sweetness even further.... then I cringe thinking of all the insanity that would ensue with another.

While I haven't gotten a pulse on how suddenly, and seemingly without provocation, my moods can shift.... I am SLOWLY learning how to adjust to this dichotomy no one told me to expect when having children. I used to struggle with the Love/Hate relationship... Loving my children, hating the mess.... Loving my children, hating the whining.... Loving my children, hating the sleeplessness/exhaustion. In the last week or so though, I've stumbled across enough blogs, articles, etc... that have shifted my perspective. I could avoid the mess, the whining, and the sleeplessness.... but then I wouldn't have my kids.

I'm thinking about having that last line creatively drawn/stenciled and hung someplace in my house as a daily reminder.... cause Lord knows I need to be reminded of it daily! I'm trying to love the mess, and the whining, and the sleeplessness, because loving that is loving the fact my kids are here in this sweet stage. So I'm gonna go love (well try... well maybe I'll start off by not hating... how about just enjoying... is that possible?) the laundry, and dishes, and dinner making, and cleaning the pee up from all around the toilet because my dear sweet boy still turns his whole body when looking anywhere other than directly forward. But hey, he's outta diapers, so gotta love that right!

Blog Therapy :)

I'm an affirmation junkie. It's true. Say something nice about me, and I'm pretty much putty in your hands! Case in point, the sales lady at Smooch, lathering on the compliments about how good the blood red lipstick/liner combo looked on me. Two minutes later I had spent $49 on a lipstick combo... FORTY NINE DOLLARS.... on LIPSTICK. Literally seconds after I walked out of the store, reality set in. I'm not a Blood Red lipstick kinda girl, nor do I spend that kind of money on lipstick! Yes, I was going for that 'vintage' look for Rebecca's wedding make-up, but the other 364 days of the year, that color would reside securely in one of my purse pouches, never again seeing the light of day!

I sheepishly had to walk back into the store 15 minutes later, and acknowledge that after trying on a couple different shirts with my new look, I hadn't actually been able to look at the shirt once, cause my eyes were glued to my lips, and I just couldn't take it. Luckily the 'no return policy' didn't apply to purchases that were only in your possession for 15 minutes, but suffice it to say the affirmations about me that had so recently been POURING out of her own lips had quickly dried up into a thin line of tightly pursed lips as she struggled through the return.

I've been blogging for going on 2 years now, sometimes more consistently than others :). I do it mostly for me, as an outlet for the insanity that resides in my head, but being the junkie I am, its fun knowing other people read it and enjoy it from time to time as well. My dream job would definitely be writing full time. What would I write... who knows... maybe just blogs, but it would be awesome to get paid for basically just having a conversation on paper, cause let's face it.... I love to talk even more than I love to write.

I find no coincidence in my blogging activity picking up at about the same time as my adult conversational hours took a rapid nose dive! Yes, shortly before welcoming #2 and the subsequent months that followed were some of my most regular posting months. Why? Because after satisfying Caleb's 11'dy billion word per day quota, and listening to the incessant chatter of Logan as background noise, being able to have a one sided conversation, where the background noise was silence is perfection! It's like my own personal shrink couch, without the hourly fee!

From the sheer number of mommy blogs out there, I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one who has discovered and is now shamelessly exploiting this form of free therapy. They always say what women crave most is someone to listen to them, without heaping unsolicited advice at them. Cha-ching... jackpot baby, this is it! You can tell yourself, the whole world is listening (even if logic tries to rain on your parade and convince you, that likely only a small percentage of those following you are actually listening, so for me, that might be one person), and then when you want advice, you can tailor the responses you find to those that suit your season of life, beliefs, etc.... by leafing through a few fellow blogs until you find a writer that speaks to you. For example, I follow a few close friends whose stories, struggles, crazy life moments affirm that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, in the thick of this thing called life. I also follow a few 'inspirational' writers that I don't personally know, but whose writing style and stories inspire me to try harder, do better, and believe that it's possible.

I'm still trying to find that fine line between reading/writing about life and actually living it :). Hopefully some of my ramblings can be free couch therapy to another, and you can be assured, that you are no crazier than me!