Today, I've got to pay a little tribute to that fantastic city we called home for 7 years! I would write about it myself, but I stumbled across perfection today, and as a rule I don't waste time improving upon perfection. Thank you Virginia Woodruff for so eloquently pointing out why Austin is amazing! Now, if only they had seasons, and taller trees!
Dear Austin,
You are not either/or. You are and. Coffee and beer. BBQ joints and vegan potlucks. Students and Techies. State-capital bureaucrats and weed-toking slackers -- admittedly those are sometimes the same people. I love you because you contain multitudes.
You are the "live music capital of the world" and the "I bleed orange" city of college football fanatics.
You have a hippie spirit infused with high-tech financing. Your patron saint is Willie Nelson, your avuncular Polonius is Kinky Friedman and your wealthy stepfather is Michael Dell. Your current contrast-in-residence is the chief of Whole Foods, who gives his employees health insurance while defending their right not to have it.
You meet hundred-degree heat with spring-fed pools. You are beer and running, ideally at the same time.
It's no surprise this is where Outlaw Country was born. You are the cultural retreat for Texans who find themselves not quite fitting in at home. You offer an oasis of blue in a big red desert. When people fall across the city border, they are accepted as they are, and dole out kindness in return.
Your city council created an official day for the late thong-wearing, cross-dressing beloved transient, Leslie.
You entered the Guinness Book of World Records by having the most people ever dance to Michael Jackson's "Thriller." They did it in the plaza in front of a classical music hall.
As much as you like to have a good time, you also like to keep fit. There's a run event almost very weekend. You've been home to Lance Armstrong, Andy Roddick, Kevin Durant, and a host of Olympians. Your jewel is the hike-and-bike trail along a river the locals call a lake. The last time I went I saw a woman running in a track suit and head scarf.
To drink a beer anywhere is the god-given right of all Austinites. Take a sip at your video store, your dry cleaners or your barber shop.
You are Bacchanalian but also respectful. Austin people hold the door for me, let me in in traffic, and inquire if I'm alright. I can't get out of the grocery store without running into an old friend. The cashiers seem to genuinely care about my weekend plans. When we first moved here, I couldn't understand why so many people met our eyes on the street and asked, "How y'all doing?" Now I return the greeting.
And so it goes around. Random acts of kindness, senseless beauty. The graffiti on a bridge that says "focus on one point and breathe"; the yoga teacher who cracks jokes and endorses lite beer; the guy who pays for the stranger behind him at the drive-thru.
A friend wearing a "Welcome to Austin, Please Don't Move Here" shirt found herself telling someone why they should move here. We can't help ourselves.
So bring your kids, bring your parents, bring your dog; take the bus, ride your bike, cruise your Maserati. There's bound to be some live music, some barbecue and some cold beer. Come as you are.
Love,
Virginia Woodruff
***Letter found on Huffinton Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/love-letters/austin-texas-love-letter_b_2045500.html
Love and missing my fellow Austinites today!! Hope to be back to visit soon!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Peace, Be Still
Why do we expect people to be mind readers? Guilty as charged, just realizing to what extent this morning. As I proceed with my morning routine as normal, I found myself getting annoyed at the number of phone calls and text messages I was getting, thinking 'sheesh people, I'm fine, let me get to work'. God had to thunk me on my forehead, that's how I picture it occurring when I do something stupid. Massive God size index finger flexed to His thumb, and THUNK, right to the forehead. Other times, I picture it as a massive God sized hand extending down from Heaven and patting me lightly on the head, and He's thinking awwww bless her heart, she really doesn't know what she doing. I don't know why they are massive in my imagination, but I also can't explain why I expect His voice to sound like James Earl Jones either... I suppose the imagery just fits together like that in my brain.
He was nice enough to remind me, that we ALL have a fear of the unknown, and in this situation I just happen to KNOW I'm o.k.. However Mom, who has called 4 times in 2 days, is left watching news reports of rising tides, power outages, and downed trees. I love you mom :) Although when we do talk 4 times in 2 days, I may only answer the phone now to say "Yes, we're o.k, I love you, bye".
Instead of our normal benediction at the end of service on Sunday, Pastor David reminded us all about Jesus calming the storm by simply saying "Peace, Be Still". It's crazy how fast irrational fears can take over a seemingly stable brain. Kinda puts the 'taking thoughts captive' verse into perspective REAL quick! Case in point, the other night, lying in bed... Kevin inches away, the recurring fear I have eeked its way into my brain: something catastrophic happening to Kevin or the boys. Tears spring to my eyes and spill over before I can even think of taking the thought captive. I find this to be horribly embarrassing, because explaining such lunacy to your husband is not fun.
Lucky for me the lights were off, so he couldn't see my face, but I knew he knew, so in my most composed voice I said "Wanna know something ludicrous?" (When doing something crazy, its always best to lead with that, at least the other person understands then that you haven't lost total connection with reality)
"What?"
"I'm crying"
"ummmm.... why?"
"Cause I don't want anything to happen to you or the boys?"
"Were you planning to do something to us? Should I be scared?"
"Don't you ever get worried about something happening to me?" (whenever I find myself stuck in a totally insane stream of thought, I do one of two things. First, try to convince the other person they are equally capable of insane breaks from reality)
"Not when you're laying 3 inches away from me"
"You know ALL women think about these things, it can reduce us ALL to tears in an instant." (When my first line of deflection doesn't work, I immediately start making wild generalizations, lumping myself in the largest group of people possible... and quickly follow it up with humor) "Well, maybe only the happily married ones... you never know what us crazy women will come up with".
"I love you"....
There are times when the slightly condescending, I think you are definitely crazy but wouldn't dream of expressing that thought so I'll say "I love you" instead.... can drive me up the wall. However, when you are actually being crazy, its the welcome exit from the conversation you were hoping for.
Peace Be Still. I have a feeling I will be reminding myself of this often, when I hitch a ride on the crazy express again. I may also put it to use in future natural disasters when I'm getting blown up with phone calls and text messages. Peace, be still peeps, God's got us, we're o.k.
He was nice enough to remind me, that we ALL have a fear of the unknown, and in this situation I just happen to KNOW I'm o.k.. However Mom, who has called 4 times in 2 days, is left watching news reports of rising tides, power outages, and downed trees. I love you mom :) Although when we do talk 4 times in 2 days, I may only answer the phone now to say "Yes, we're o.k, I love you, bye".
Instead of our normal benediction at the end of service on Sunday, Pastor David reminded us all about Jesus calming the storm by simply saying "Peace, Be Still". It's crazy how fast irrational fears can take over a seemingly stable brain. Kinda puts the 'taking thoughts captive' verse into perspective REAL quick! Case in point, the other night, lying in bed... Kevin inches away, the recurring fear I have eeked its way into my brain: something catastrophic happening to Kevin or the boys. Tears spring to my eyes and spill over before I can even think of taking the thought captive. I find this to be horribly embarrassing, because explaining such lunacy to your husband is not fun.
Lucky for me the lights were off, so he couldn't see my face, but I knew he knew, so in my most composed voice I said "Wanna know something ludicrous?" (When doing something crazy, its always best to lead with that, at least the other person understands then that you haven't lost total connection with reality)
"What?"
"I'm crying"
"ummmm.... why?"
"Cause I don't want anything to happen to you or the boys?"
"Were you planning to do something to us? Should I be scared?"
"Don't you ever get worried about something happening to me?" (whenever I find myself stuck in a totally insane stream of thought, I do one of two things. First, try to convince the other person they are equally capable of insane breaks from reality)
"Not when you're laying 3 inches away from me"
"You know ALL women think about these things, it can reduce us ALL to tears in an instant." (When my first line of deflection doesn't work, I immediately start making wild generalizations, lumping myself in the largest group of people possible... and quickly follow it up with humor) "Well, maybe only the happily married ones... you never know what us crazy women will come up with".
"I love you"....
There are times when the slightly condescending, I think you are definitely crazy but wouldn't dream of expressing that thought so I'll say "I love you" instead.... can drive me up the wall. However, when you are actually being crazy, its the welcome exit from the conversation you were hoping for.
Peace Be Still. I have a feeling I will be reminding myself of this often, when I hitch a ride on the crazy express again. I may also put it to use in future natural disasters when I'm getting blown up with phone calls and text messages. Peace, be still peeps, God's got us, we're o.k.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Standing Guard Against Sandy
I make rules up as I go. Daily blog has just been updated to 5 days a week blog. This is your public service announcement.
The winds are picking up here. With single paned glass windows, the feeling is simlar to when you are trying to pop a ballon, and you're just waiting for it to explode. Not my favorite. I can't tell which is making me more anxious. The windows, or the thought of losing power with a 2 and 4 year old stranded in the house. That is a SCARY thought. Suffice it to say, I'm being a bit more liberal with the T.V. for now. I need to save the creative activities for if/when we lose power.... cause with the brunt still not here, and two 'brown-outs' already under our belt.... I fell like its a matter of time until we begin the worlds longest game of hide and seek.
I think the most interesting part of hurricane prep thus far has been watching the reactions of everyone else. With the D.C. area being so transient, it certainly provides an opportunity to see where people moved from. You have the hurricane veterens from the south. They have the generator, the flashlights, the batteries, water, canned foods, and have all of this stuff ready about a week before the forecasted hurricane will hit.
Those from the west coast fall into two polorized categories: either totally freaked out because they have NO idea what to expect, or super laid back having expereinced many 'earthquakes' with little impact.
Coming from the mid-west you can call me either niave or chill. It's rain and wind. Rain and 50 degree's seems way better to me than a blizzard and temps hovering around 0. The wind is only scary when it gusts, you stop for a sec, watch the trees, the gust dies down and your back to rain. Granted it only takes a second for a tree to snap and fall on your house, but I can't control that any better by worrying about it, so I say a prayer to protect my house and call it a day.
There was one pic that struck me on facebook today as I was reviewing the status updates. The picture of the Marines gaurding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I read the story behind the picture. This tomb has been under CONSTANT 24/7 watch since it was erected in the 1930's. At one point in 2003 when Hurricane Isabella was headed straight for DC and the governement elected for a 2 day shut down, this position was approached and told they could stand down. The Marines said no. They said it was the highest honor to stand guard in this position, and they would not leave their post. I don't care what poltical beliefs or affiliations you hold, if this doesn't make you proud to be an American, and want to honor and support our troops that sacrafice SO much, in whatever post they hold, I don't know what would.
Seeing that picture puts patroling asiles for a gallon of water, batteries, and some peanut butter in perspective. Staying safe, and warm, and dry for now, and praying for these awesome men and women serving our country, and those who are not as blessed by the ability to stay warm and dry.
The winds are picking up here. With single paned glass windows, the feeling is simlar to when you are trying to pop a ballon, and you're just waiting for it to explode. Not my favorite. I can't tell which is making me more anxious. The windows, or the thought of losing power with a 2 and 4 year old stranded in the house. That is a SCARY thought. Suffice it to say, I'm being a bit more liberal with the T.V. for now. I need to save the creative activities for if/when we lose power.... cause with the brunt still not here, and two 'brown-outs' already under our belt.... I fell like its a matter of time until we begin the worlds longest game of hide and seek.
I think the most interesting part of hurricane prep thus far has been watching the reactions of everyone else. With the D.C. area being so transient, it certainly provides an opportunity to see where people moved from. You have the hurricane veterens from the south. They have the generator, the flashlights, the batteries, water, canned foods, and have all of this stuff ready about a week before the forecasted hurricane will hit.
Those from the west coast fall into two polorized categories: either totally freaked out because they have NO idea what to expect, or super laid back having expereinced many 'earthquakes' with little impact.
Coming from the mid-west you can call me either niave or chill. It's rain and wind. Rain and 50 degree's seems way better to me than a blizzard and temps hovering around 0. The wind is only scary when it gusts, you stop for a sec, watch the trees, the gust dies down and your back to rain. Granted it only takes a second for a tree to snap and fall on your house, but I can't control that any better by worrying about it, so I say a prayer to protect my house and call it a day.
There was one pic that struck me on facebook today as I was reviewing the status updates. The picture of the Marines gaurding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I read the story behind the picture. This tomb has been under CONSTANT 24/7 watch since it was erected in the 1930's. At one point in 2003 when Hurricane Isabella was headed straight for DC and the governement elected for a 2 day shut down, this position was approached and told they could stand down. The Marines said no. They said it was the highest honor to stand guard in this position, and they would not leave their post. I don't care what poltical beliefs or affiliations you hold, if this doesn't make you proud to be an American, and want to honor and support our troops that sacrafice SO much, in whatever post they hold, I don't know what would.
Seeing that picture puts patroling asiles for a gallon of water, batteries, and some peanut butter in perspective. Staying safe, and warm, and dry for now, and praying for these awesome men and women serving our country, and those who are not as blessed by the ability to stay warm and dry.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Frankenstorm
"A Snowpocalyptic Frankenstorm"..... Really..... I'm hoping this is a dramatic overstatement, at least for those of us three hours inland of the eastern seaboard. I gotta give the meteorologists some credit for creatively looping in Halloween to their naming convention. Although with a name like that, I'm not sure even covering costumes in black garbage bags, to avoid the elements, and calling ourselves the California Raisens would fly. When you grow up in Michigan you become fairly adept at updating Halloween costumes to accomodate a 40-50 degree swing, and possible rain, sleet, snow or a combination of all three.
I guess with "Snowmaggedon" already used, they had to make a stretch to find something equally news worthy to incite the masses. "Snowpocalyptic Frankenstorm". They were successful. Water is sold out. Batteries are gone. The canned soup aisle was looking a little sparse. I don't do much when it comes to emergency response preparedness. I have 3 gallons of water, a flash light, and a good book. Kevin built a fort for the boys.... however this occurs almost weekly, so I don't really accept it as emergency planning, unless there was gonna be a dig on the cleanliness of my house... which at times could be warrented.
I was just thankful to get the coveted family pic's outta the way before we had to figure out how to photo shop out shivering lips and snot, or coordinate jackets into the picture! Yes, the insanity has passed. There were smiles. Clean clothes. Groomed appearences. Success. I can't wait to see the finished product... given my family are just about the only ones following my antics, you'll see the fruits of my labor in a mailbox near you soon :)
Pray we don't actually lose power, else the inmates might take over the asylum!
http://gizmodo.com/5955168/how-hurricane-sandy-might-become-a-snowpocalyptic-frankenstorm
I guess with "Snowmaggedon" already used, they had to make a stretch to find something equally news worthy to incite the masses. "Snowpocalyptic Frankenstorm". They were successful. Water is sold out. Batteries are gone. The canned soup aisle was looking a little sparse. I don't do much when it comes to emergency response preparedness. I have 3 gallons of water, a flash light, and a good book. Kevin built a fort for the boys.... however this occurs almost weekly, so I don't really accept it as emergency planning, unless there was gonna be a dig on the cleanliness of my house... which at times could be warrented.
I was just thankful to get the coveted family pic's outta the way before we had to figure out how to photo shop out shivering lips and snot, or coordinate jackets into the picture! Yes, the insanity has passed. There were smiles. Clean clothes. Groomed appearences. Success. I can't wait to see the finished product... given my family are just about the only ones following my antics, you'll see the fruits of my labor in a mailbox near you soon :)
Pray we don't actually lose power, else the inmates might take over the asylum!
http://gizmodo.com/5955168/how-hurricane-sandy-might-become-a-snowpocalyptic-frankenstorm
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Family Picture Day
You know that awkward moment, when you see your hairstylist, and you have perfectly updated highlights, but SHE hasn't seen you in months? Been there. I find myself there again in a slightly different context. Just found out today, we're doing some family pictures tomorrow with an amazingly talented friend I have! Super excited! However, I JUST turned down another amazingly talented friend who offered to take some for us as a part of her fall family deal. Now this all makes sense logically... financially one made more sense than the other.... but when you post professional pics to the world, you don't always get to lead with the logic. Awkward.
As much as mama's around the world LOVE professional shots of their sweet families, I've yet to find an event that incites more stress than family picture day. This could be genetic. I'm not 100% convinced ALL families expierence the levels of anxiety and stress that seem to have plagued my family for generations, but I'm a carrier for this genetic abnormality. For the most part I like to think of myself as low-maintenance. Go with the flow. Relaxed. I am NONE of these things on family picture day. On family picture day, my desire to control even the remotest detail comes rushing to the surface. Which in itself is funny, because my favorite family pictures are the 'life in motion kind'. This can make things extra complicated, because now not only do I want to be able to control the weather, position of the sun, outfits, smiles, hair, bystandars, etc.... I also want to make sure that WHILE we are in motion we are facing the camera but not looking directly at it... cause heaven forbid it appear 'posed'.
God must have known my nuerosis couldn't handle an extended wait up until picture day, so I get 24 hours to panic and then it will all be over.... Which means I can't waste anymore time explaining my craziness here... I've got to get moving! Boys need hair cuts, color pallets need to be selected, pinterest needs to be consulted for poses, and I need to scoop out the shoot site can so all of my carefully crafted poses can come off so totally not posed ;)
Pray for Kev and the boys... and me... we'll need it!
As much as mama's around the world LOVE professional shots of their sweet families, I've yet to find an event that incites more stress than family picture day. This could be genetic. I'm not 100% convinced ALL families expierence the levels of anxiety and stress that seem to have plagued my family for generations, but I'm a carrier for this genetic abnormality. For the most part I like to think of myself as low-maintenance. Go with the flow. Relaxed. I am NONE of these things on family picture day. On family picture day, my desire to control even the remotest detail comes rushing to the surface. Which in itself is funny, because my favorite family pictures are the 'life in motion kind'. This can make things extra complicated, because now not only do I want to be able to control the weather, position of the sun, outfits, smiles, hair, bystandars, etc.... I also want to make sure that WHILE we are in motion we are facing the camera but not looking directly at it... cause heaven forbid it appear 'posed'.
God must have known my nuerosis couldn't handle an extended wait up until picture day, so I get 24 hours to panic and then it will all be over.... Which means I can't waste anymore time explaining my craziness here... I've got to get moving! Boys need hair cuts, color pallets need to be selected, pinterest needs to be consulted for poses, and I need to scoop out the shoot site can so all of my carefully crafted poses can come off so totally not posed ;)
Pray for Kev and the boys... and me... we'll need it!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Today: Brought to you by the letter "C"
Of course day 2 of my little adventure would bring nitty gritty. Why would it not? I have a friend. We were best friends for years, and then life got in the way. When I met her, I thought she was the most glamorous thing I'd ever encountered. Its funny what looks glamorous when you're in sixth grade. One of my earliest memories was her birthday party, we rode around town in a limo, to a restaurant, the beach, and then got to spend the night at, what appeared to me at the time, a castle!
Her life turned out to be anything but glamorous, but I loved her fiercely. I was convinced at 13 that I could save her, and still at 14, 15, 16, and 17. Your super hero powers start to wear off a little bit as you get older, then you can lose them all together, only to rediscover you're still a super hero when you have kids. Life can be cool like that.
The two of us, we were firecrackers. Wound pretty tight, a little crazy, not fully in touch with reality, but MAN did we have fun! Until she started leaving. Months at a time, she would leave to 'get well', the first time I thought maybe I could go with her if I lost enough weight, but I couldn't stay committed to the goal. I didn't realize how sick my friend was... I just thought she was really committed... I wanted to be as committed as her. I'm really glad I'm not 13 anymore. When she would come back, from what I thought was camp, she was 'better' and we'd go right back to our normal shenanigans and never talk about 'camp'. I was jealous of the friends she made there, and that I didn't get to go.
The comings & goings became more frequent. The shenanigans a little more real and a lot more dangerous. I realized how sick she was. I got scared.
So what does this have to do with today?
Over the course of the years, on random occasions, I would hear from my friend. She would share the absolute insanity of her life, the old feelings of wanting to save her would resurface, and my heart would break as it had grown in the knowledge that I couldn't. I don't hear directly from her anymore, or at least I haven't in the last couple years, but through the wonderful advances in technology I'd watch the insanity unfold on the pages of Facebook. Some posts would make me smile, seeing the crazy fun girl up to old antics, some would make me cringe as she poured herself into another guy not worthy of her sweet heart, and some would make my heart break again, as she wrote about believing the world had given up on her. But I would say nothing. I felt like I had said it all, more times than I could count.
She posted today (or at least I read it today)... and again I couldn't comment. I mean in all seriousness... look at this post, I would have seriously exhausted the capabilities of Facebook.
How do you apologize for being human? Do you? I can see this from her point of view, it bears a striking resemblance to me giving up on her. Self-preservation does contain more than half of the word selfish.... But then I just get mad... and that's how I know I still love her.... you don't get angry with people you don't care about. You usually don't even think about people you don't care about... but I think about her, and I get mad at her for being selfish... for not listening to the people who love her, for not believing that we do, for making choices that could end up killing her.... And so I don't say anything.... Because when you haven't talked to someone in 2 years, yelling at them is likely not the most polite way to say hello.
I'm a firm believer in the statement "life is what you make of it". I acknowledge some are starting from a rather large deficit.... but I also believe no matter where you are, its a matter of the NEXT choice you'll make and the ones that come after that. Even if the first choice is simply agreeing that you might have a problem bigger than you can handle on your own... and then choosing everyday to set aside what you think, because you've discovered your thoughts might be whats hurting you most. Choosing to listen to those that bring light into your life, that tell you the truth even when it hurts, that love you enough to fight with you. Choose to accept reality and to dig in and get to work on making it better... it doesn't happen over night and no one can do it for you, but we can cheer you on. Personal experience can attest, the more good choices you make, the louder your cheering section gets!
Love you C... Today is for you... Make it count :)
Her life turned out to be anything but glamorous, but I loved her fiercely. I was convinced at 13 that I could save her, and still at 14, 15, 16, and 17. Your super hero powers start to wear off a little bit as you get older, then you can lose them all together, only to rediscover you're still a super hero when you have kids. Life can be cool like that.
The two of us, we were firecrackers. Wound pretty tight, a little crazy, not fully in touch with reality, but MAN did we have fun! Until she started leaving. Months at a time, she would leave to 'get well', the first time I thought maybe I could go with her if I lost enough weight, but I couldn't stay committed to the goal. I didn't realize how sick my friend was... I just thought she was really committed... I wanted to be as committed as her. I'm really glad I'm not 13 anymore. When she would come back, from what I thought was camp, she was 'better' and we'd go right back to our normal shenanigans and never talk about 'camp'. I was jealous of the friends she made there, and that I didn't get to go.
The comings & goings became more frequent. The shenanigans a little more real and a lot more dangerous. I realized how sick she was. I got scared.
So what does this have to do with today?
Over the course of the years, on random occasions, I would hear from my friend. She would share the absolute insanity of her life, the old feelings of wanting to save her would resurface, and my heart would break as it had grown in the knowledge that I couldn't. I don't hear directly from her anymore, or at least I haven't in the last couple years, but through the wonderful advances in technology I'd watch the insanity unfold on the pages of Facebook. Some posts would make me smile, seeing the crazy fun girl up to old antics, some would make me cringe as she poured herself into another guy not worthy of her sweet heart, and some would make my heart break again, as she wrote about believing the world had given up on her. But I would say nothing. I felt like I had said it all, more times than I could count.
She posted today (or at least I read it today)... and again I couldn't comment. I mean in all seriousness... look at this post, I would have seriously exhausted the capabilities of Facebook.
How do you apologize for being human? Do you? I can see this from her point of view, it bears a striking resemblance to me giving up on her. Self-preservation does contain more than half of the word selfish.... But then I just get mad... and that's how I know I still love her.... you don't get angry with people you don't care about. You usually don't even think about people you don't care about... but I think about her, and I get mad at her for being selfish... for not listening to the people who love her, for not believing that we do, for making choices that could end up killing her.... And so I don't say anything.... Because when you haven't talked to someone in 2 years, yelling at them is likely not the most polite way to say hello.
I'm a firm believer in the statement "life is what you make of it". I acknowledge some are starting from a rather large deficit.... but I also believe no matter where you are, its a matter of the NEXT choice you'll make and the ones that come after that. Even if the first choice is simply agreeing that you might have a problem bigger than you can handle on your own... and then choosing everyday to set aside what you think, because you've discovered your thoughts might be whats hurting you most. Choosing to listen to those that bring light into your life, that tell you the truth even when it hurts, that love you enough to fight with you. Choose to accept reality and to dig in and get to work on making it better... it doesn't happen over night and no one can do it for you, but we can cheer you on. Personal experience can attest, the more good choices you make, the louder your cheering section gets!
Love you C... Today is for you... Make it count :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Today
Today I'm trying to be Plato, or some equally fancy philosopher. Despite people telling me, I'm a good writer, and as much as I love doing it, I come to this blank page often and walk away intimidated that I don't have something new to say. So I'm gonna try giving that up right now, so that I can get back to what I love without all the stinkin pressure.
I want to write... I want to record my life... yes, secretly I'd love a really fancy blog that pays the bills someday. However someday, is just the collection of many today's... so after THREE years of struggling to figure out what I wanted MY blog to be... we've landed on the simplistic solution of 'Today'. If all I have to do, is relay the thoughts, experiences, joy, and misery of a single day... maybe, JUST maybe, I can do that.
I love reinventing yourself just because its a Tuesday, and you can. The thing with starting something new though, is you gotta give context at the start... which can be long sometimes... and since I love to write and talk... this could get long. Sorry.
I am a HOT mess. I'm fairly certain I have a mild form of insomnia. I definitely have some variation of attention deficit disorder. I love organization. I hate structure. I have a colorful past, that few are aware of. I like it this way.... for now. I'm learning I am actually in the majority with the last statement, that we live in a world of colorful packages, that rarely get opened up to see what's inside. We'll see to what degree I open up here... we'll see how safe it feels. I occasionally slip into 2nd and 3rd person descriptions of myself, this has yet to be determined as a quirky trait or a certifiable issue. In order; I'm a person trying to figure out this God thing, a lover of my amazing husband, a lunatic trying to raise little lunatics, and in no particular order a sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, and random human.
Today, I'm drawing my line in the sand, to walk away from presenting, projecting, pretending... and as Wanda Sykes put it so eloquently "I'ma be me"! Everything I'm gonna say has likely already been said before, by someone smarter, more funny, eloquant, and with better grammer and spelling. I've decided to be o.k. with this, and stop freaking out that I have to figure out how to reinvent the wheel in an effort to be cooler than them.
Today, I didn't go to bed until 2am, knowing that my kids would wake up before 6am, because I was just having to stinkin much fun gabbing with girlfriends... yes on a Monday night. Which probably explains my delierious decision to reinvent myself on a Tuesday, and commit to writing a daily blog... in two months when I come back here, and re-read this one, I can apologize for making sleepy promises. However I did sneak a nap... how... cause God loves me and gave me the most awesomly flexible job in the world, and a lovely woman named Rosah to help watch my boys from 8-2 M-Th. Thank you God and Rosah for my nap this morning while I was 'working'.
I went back to the dentist for the first time in 2.5+years today as well. I have a little secret to tell you... while I never have actually grown up, the one area I will continue to pretend in, is that I'm a grown up with my kids. They are the only reason I'm a responsible, functioning adult. Now that Cub is old enough to start going to the dentist, is the ONLY reason the appointment was made, and since I had to 'model' good behavior for him, my teeth got cleaned as well. Other responsible things in my life that are directly attributed to having kids: why we started going back to church regularly once Cub was born, eating vegetables with every meal, forgoing booty music while little ears are in the car, and likely a few more. Area's the child in me still reign supreme: my desire to stay in jammies all day, aversion to showering, and cleaning up behind myself. We call these my work in progress area's... we're hoping as the today's roll on and I have something to be accountable to... in two months if I'm still claiming jammie days every day, I will eventually feel enough conviction in my own posts to get dressed in the morning (FYI: Yoga pants are considered getting dressed).
I've got to brag on Cub for a sec. Little man makes me look like a rockstar. He was a pro in the dentist chair, polite, inquisitive, a charmer. He has a tendancy to amp up the charm for peeps. Honest, cross my heart, I rarely put him up to this (never would be a bold face lie, but rarely is truth), it cracks me up cause it makes people think I have some sort of universal secret figured out, and in reality I'm just as baffled as they are. My theory is God knew I was NO WHERE NEAR ready to be a parent, so he gave me a wise little soul as my first... someone that wouldn't really test the parenting limits, as a means of building my confidence that I could also keep others alive. He's putting that theory to the test now with little brother. We've entered this fantastic stage of boundary testing. He'll ask for something, I'll get it for him, then he'll lose his ever-lovin mind saying he doesn't want it. I take it away, and he counters now convinced he'll DIE without said item. This does not go on for long, because I walk away, and am trailed by a screeching, convulsing, mess of a child as he pleads for me to partake longer in the game to see who will go crazy first. Child, understand this... I will win... it is my job as mom to win. Learn this soon so we can all live happily ever after, o.k.?
So yeah... that's my today... it makes me kinda excited/nervous for what tomorrow could bring, cause if I'm pledging to tell you about it, I'm really hoping day 2 doesn't require me to expose more of the nitty gritty too soon... Let's continue getting to know eachother first... mmmm kay? Now for a chill night, cause yeah, the children did bring out the responsible adult in that area... one night till 2am at a time... followed closely by a 9pm bed-time so I don't implode. :)
I want to write... I want to record my life... yes, secretly I'd love a really fancy blog that pays the bills someday. However someday, is just the collection of many today's... so after THREE years of struggling to figure out what I wanted MY blog to be... we've landed on the simplistic solution of 'Today'. If all I have to do, is relay the thoughts, experiences, joy, and misery of a single day... maybe, JUST maybe, I can do that.
I love reinventing yourself just because its a Tuesday, and you can. The thing with starting something new though, is you gotta give context at the start... which can be long sometimes... and since I love to write and talk... this could get long. Sorry.
I am a HOT mess. I'm fairly certain I have a mild form of insomnia. I definitely have some variation of attention deficit disorder. I love organization. I hate structure. I have a colorful past, that few are aware of. I like it this way.... for now. I'm learning I am actually in the majority with the last statement, that we live in a world of colorful packages, that rarely get opened up to see what's inside. We'll see to what degree I open up here... we'll see how safe it feels. I occasionally slip into 2nd and 3rd person descriptions of myself, this has yet to be determined as a quirky trait or a certifiable issue. In order; I'm a person trying to figure out this God thing, a lover of my amazing husband, a lunatic trying to raise little lunatics, and in no particular order a sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, and random human.
Today, I'm drawing my line in the sand, to walk away from presenting, projecting, pretending... and as Wanda Sykes put it so eloquently "I'ma be me"! Everything I'm gonna say has likely already been said before, by someone smarter, more funny, eloquant, and with better grammer and spelling. I've decided to be o.k. with this, and stop freaking out that I have to figure out how to reinvent the wheel in an effort to be cooler than them.
Today, I didn't go to bed until 2am, knowing that my kids would wake up before 6am, because I was just having to stinkin much fun gabbing with girlfriends... yes on a Monday night. Which probably explains my delierious decision to reinvent myself on a Tuesday, and commit to writing a daily blog... in two months when I come back here, and re-read this one, I can apologize for making sleepy promises. However I did sneak a nap... how... cause God loves me and gave me the most awesomly flexible job in the world, and a lovely woman named Rosah to help watch my boys from 8-2 M-Th. Thank you God and Rosah for my nap this morning while I was 'working'.
I went back to the dentist for the first time in 2.5+years today as well. I have a little secret to tell you... while I never have actually grown up, the one area I will continue to pretend in, is that I'm a grown up with my kids. They are the only reason I'm a responsible, functioning adult. Now that Cub is old enough to start going to the dentist, is the ONLY reason the appointment was made, and since I had to 'model' good behavior for him, my teeth got cleaned as well. Other responsible things in my life that are directly attributed to having kids: why we started going back to church regularly once Cub was born, eating vegetables with every meal, forgoing booty music while little ears are in the car, and likely a few more. Area's the child in me still reign supreme: my desire to stay in jammies all day, aversion to showering, and cleaning up behind myself. We call these my work in progress area's... we're hoping as the today's roll on and I have something to be accountable to... in two months if I'm still claiming jammie days every day, I will eventually feel enough conviction in my own posts to get dressed in the morning (FYI: Yoga pants are considered getting dressed).
I've got to brag on Cub for a sec. Little man makes me look like a rockstar. He was a pro in the dentist chair, polite, inquisitive, a charmer. He has a tendancy to amp up the charm for peeps. Honest, cross my heart, I rarely put him up to this (never would be a bold face lie, but rarely is truth), it cracks me up cause it makes people think I have some sort of universal secret figured out, and in reality I'm just as baffled as they are. My theory is God knew I was NO WHERE NEAR ready to be a parent, so he gave me a wise little soul as my first... someone that wouldn't really test the parenting limits, as a means of building my confidence that I could also keep others alive. He's putting that theory to the test now with little brother. We've entered this fantastic stage of boundary testing. He'll ask for something, I'll get it for him, then he'll lose his ever-lovin mind saying he doesn't want it. I take it away, and he counters now convinced he'll DIE without said item. This does not go on for long, because I walk away, and am trailed by a screeching, convulsing, mess of a child as he pleads for me to partake longer in the game to see who will go crazy first. Child, understand this... I will win... it is my job as mom to win. Learn this soon so we can all live happily ever after, o.k.?
So yeah... that's my today... it makes me kinda excited/nervous for what tomorrow could bring, cause if I'm pledging to tell you about it, I'm really hoping day 2 doesn't require me to expose more of the nitty gritty too soon... Let's continue getting to know eachother first... mmmm kay? Now for a chill night, cause yeah, the children did bring out the responsible adult in that area... one night till 2am at a time... followed closely by a 9pm bed-time so I don't implode. :)
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