Six weeks ago I had myself convinced this day would never come. Then ya'll came alongside me in prayer and encouragement. The anxiety began to fade away and my faith grew. Thank you for that.
We made it. 12 weeks. I'd be lying if I didn't say waiting to find the heartbeat didn't cause my heart to skip a beat or three, even though I had just heard it 2 weeks earlier. Then she found it. The boys quieted down and listened as she counted the beats. 145 glorious beats per minute. Logan shouted "Hooray", Caleb had a sweet twinkle in his eye and gave me the impish little grin I love so much, Kev smiled, and I said a quiet 'thank-you' to God for all my miracles.
I was torn going into this pregnancy, if I would find out what we were having.... Who was I kidding?!? Don't I know myself at all? Apparently not. While 12 weeks passed at an excruciatingly slow snails pace, I'm hopeful these next 8 will skip right by with all the activities on our social calender. Metro Groups are launching a month from tomorrow, and preparations for that require about all the mental capacity I have ;). Then just 4 more weeks of Institute classes. I'm pretty sure I'll blink and we'll be there!
So thankful to be experiencing this season with so many fantastic friends! I can't believe I currently know of 10 sweet babes of close friends due within 6wks of each other! SO FUN!! Even better than that, my lil sis is expecting their first, my sweet little nephew due just 10wks before his new little cousin. That will be 5 boys in a row for my sisters and I.... Will I break the streak I started? Time will soon tell!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Confounded
Two things, out of many, that I've learned from the Bible: Before we accept the truth of Jesus, we're damned fools, and God uses the foolish to confound the wise.
This leaves me.... confounded.
It's kinda the ultimate chick/egg scenario. Are you considered wise, because you are confounded, or do you attain wisdom through being confounded? Have I confounded you yet? Personally, I'm hoping for the former, being wise sounds cooler than being confounded.
The more I discover in my pursuit to understand faith, the less 'wise' I feel. Conversations can become rather cyclical and redundant, when someone asks you to explain the virgin birth or resurrection. Responding with "yeah, they happened, couldn't tell ya' the mechanics behind it, but I just know they did", generally doesn't sit well with the questioning party. I've discovered through the course of a few of these impasse conversations, that myself and the individual asking the question are both confounded. It is the degree of peace we're able to have in our uncertainty that sets us apart. Not always initially, but God has been faithful in helping me find peace in the things I do not understand and can't explain.
Miracles happen and horrible things happen. Children are killed in what appears a meaningless act of violence. Faith filled people experience car accidents, illnesses, job losses, loved ones hurt and disappoint us... to the same degree as those operating without a faith in God. Similarly, people are healed out of the blue, people come into financial windfalls, children are born, marriages on the brink of disaster come through stronger than ever. The miracles and tragedies happen all around us, we can't explain them. They confound us. I know God is good, I know He is for me and not against me. In faith I believe. Its the ability to find peace in the midst of unsettling facts that sets those of faith apart.
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7
When the world is falling down around us, our faith can come under attack, we can get angry, we grieve. It is the hope of finding peace again, the hope of settling our souls, not the expectation to understand that which our brains cannot, which drives people of faith forward. A friend of mine lost a dear friend today. A man SO full of faith, a husband, a father to a sweet little 1 year old boy. A man believing God for healing up until his last breath. It confounds me. As most tragedies do.
In situations like these I have to hold onto the hope of a meaning that is beyond me. There is no alternative for me.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)
I never expected, nor really desired, to write blogs about God being great. I used to look at those I 'percieved' as wise and judge them as being rather arrogant.... It's amazing when your being a judgy Mc Judger pants, like I was, how easy it is to miss the entire point of what the person is trying to say. I'm not saying God is good because I'm trying to be a cool churchy person, I'm saying it cause its true despite any circumstance that does its best to make you think otherwise. I can't explain it, it confounds me, but it doesn't make it any less true.
This leaves me.... confounded.
It's kinda the ultimate chick/egg scenario. Are you considered wise, because you are confounded, or do you attain wisdom through being confounded? Have I confounded you yet? Personally, I'm hoping for the former, being wise sounds cooler than being confounded.
The more I discover in my pursuit to understand faith, the less 'wise' I feel. Conversations can become rather cyclical and redundant, when someone asks you to explain the virgin birth or resurrection. Responding with "yeah, they happened, couldn't tell ya' the mechanics behind it, but I just know they did", generally doesn't sit well with the questioning party. I've discovered through the course of a few of these impasse conversations, that myself and the individual asking the question are both confounded. It is the degree of peace we're able to have in our uncertainty that sets us apart. Not always initially, but God has been faithful in helping me find peace in the things I do not understand and can't explain.
Miracles happen and horrible things happen. Children are killed in what appears a meaningless act of violence. Faith filled people experience car accidents, illnesses, job losses, loved ones hurt and disappoint us... to the same degree as those operating without a faith in God. Similarly, people are healed out of the blue, people come into financial windfalls, children are born, marriages on the brink of disaster come through stronger than ever. The miracles and tragedies happen all around us, we can't explain them. They confound us. I know God is good, I know He is for me and not against me. In faith I believe. Its the ability to find peace in the midst of unsettling facts that sets those of faith apart.
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7
When the world is falling down around us, our faith can come under attack, we can get angry, we grieve. It is the hope of finding peace again, the hope of settling our souls, not the expectation to understand that which our brains cannot, which drives people of faith forward. A friend of mine lost a dear friend today. A man SO full of faith, a husband, a father to a sweet little 1 year old boy. A man believing God for healing up until his last breath. It confounds me. As most tragedies do.
In situations like these I have to hold onto the hope of a meaning that is beyond me. There is no alternative for me.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)
I never expected, nor really desired, to write blogs about God being great. I used to look at those I 'percieved' as wise and judge them as being rather arrogant.... It's amazing when your being a judgy Mc Judger pants, like I was, how easy it is to miss the entire point of what the person is trying to say. I'm not saying God is good because I'm trying to be a cool churchy person, I'm saying it cause its true despite any circumstance that does its best to make you think otherwise. I can't explain it, it confounds me, but it doesn't make it any less true.
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