Happy 5th Birthday Cubby!

I hate it when cliches are right, cause you still feel like a moron when you repeat it.  When you swear to yourself that 'you'll never do,say,think,judge, etc....' only to find yourself doing that very thing.  Before I had kids, I was never going to have that dirty mom car, or where pajamas all day, or have food stuck on my kitchen floor, and I would never lament 'how fast it all goes'....

My car is embarrassing right now.  I'd try to blame it on the 10 hour road trip to Michigan, but it would just be a convenient excuse that masks the truth my car is OFTEN embarrassing.  In contrast my kitchen floor has been spic and span for the last week, please don't draw the obvious conclusion this is correlated to the fact we haven't BEEN in my house for a week, it's something I'm very proud of right now.  This week would also boast well for days out of P.J.'s before 10am, not at all related to getting out to see people :).

However, as the week closes, I'm staring down the barrel of my last cliche.....   For the love of ALL that is good and holy, can someone PLEASE explain to me how THIS happened?!?

 5 Days Old

Turning 5 tomorrow??????

It boggles my mind.....  I still look in the mirror and see a girl that would eat lucky charms, read a rag mag, and watch chick flicks all day if left to my own devices.  I was in shock when I left the hospital with Caleb, practically hyperventilating on my way home with Logan, and still dumbfounded that in 3 short months we're doing it again.  Yet, in spite of my own personal shock, its somehow working.... they are turning into amazing  little men that I thank God for every day, and ask Him HOW its working, cause I STILL don't have a plan.

Dear Cub,

In the morning you will be 5.  Until you have a child of your own, you will not be able to understand how insane this feels to think about right now.  We'll wake up, and as I type this I'm vowing to be chipper, no matter if tomorrow is one of your 5am mornings. I'll concede the cup of coffee and deal with your over active back flipping brother, in an effort to not curl up on the couch and shush you until a more reasonable hour.  I'll make your banana and blueberry pancakes that you've been requesting for 3 months, and we'll do what you want.  There are a few things I want to tell you about these last 5 years, and the ones to come, that may someday explain things to you that had previously left you perplexed.

I love you (your brothers and your dad) more than anything in this world.  You deserve better.  Everyone does.  It's the fatal flaw of waiting on heaven.  Please know, I'm doing my best, but most of this parenting stuff I'm learning from you as I go.  Seems kinda backwards doesn't it, but its true.  When I brought you home, you taught me what sacrificial love was.... no one else on the planet could have gotten me outta bed at the hours you did through the night!  You taught me what unconditional love was, when I lost it, or you accidentally fell of the bed cause I didn't realize you could roll yet, you still didn't want to hug anyone else but me.  You taught me what grace was, you have never held a grudge a day in your life.  You hold me accountable.... I guarantee I eat WAY more vegetables with you that I would on my own, and have to keep my sweet tooth in check!  You LOVE reminding me to stop at stop signs, or that after I've gotten you through stories, prayers, and snuggles, that I SOMEHOW forgot to let you brush your teeth.  I am better every day because you encourage me with your curiosity to learn more, you point out my bad habits when you start mirroring them and it reminds me that its something I need to stop.  Every day I'm getting better, but its because you challenge me to do so.  Please keep being patient with me, extending grace as I learn the ropes, and please don't ever doubt for one second that while I won't get it all right, I will keep trying because its what you and your brothers deserve.

I love you little man!!!  Happy 5th Birthday!!!

I'm a Hippie.... Who knew?!?

As a senior in High School, I'd pegged my 10 year plan as single in a big city, climbing the corporate ladder. This outlook was well within the realm of possibility.  My parents had nick-named me the 'black widow' in regards to dating, having broken up with any relationship that began to approach the 6 month mark, and I avoided babysitting like the plague.

How I ended up a hippie, is a mystery.

I hadn't given much thought to this until today.  I was driving home from my mid-wife appointment, having just discussed the new Essential oil regimen I'd use to accommodate our natural birth plan, and manage my families health holistically, and realized I still needed to sign-up for the Homeschooling Conference to get curriculum for Cub this fall.  The writing was on the wall, I couldn't deny it.

Much to my mother's dismay, I don't wear socks, almost ever.

Any chance I get, I open our home up to have people live with us, and have confessed on more than one occasion that a commune sounded like a very fun way to live.

If you asked Kevin, he'd make an argument that I shower as often as a hippie... lies.... everyone knows every other day, with an occasional slip to a third day, is better for hair care.  That's my argument and I'm sticking with it!

When people say kid's change everything.... they weren't kidding!  They force you to learn things you'd rather remain ignorant towards, and ask questions you never thought you'd ask.  Before kids, I would never have challenged a Dr's diagnosis or prescription.  They went to school for EVER for this... surely they knew what was best.  However after having a child, and realizing the Dr's 'extensive' education left them with little more constructive advice than "let's TRY this.... if it doesn't work, come back in a week and we'll TRY something else"... When putting toxic chemicals into my kids, or doing a spinal tap at 2wks old for a fever because it was 'protocol', and then holding us hostage in the hospital for 4 days and $5K....   I started asking questions... doing research.... Don't have it figured out yet, but I'll keep ya' posted on the results of this new Essential Oil gig I'm trying.

Even before we had kids, I always looked forward to when I could just 'help' at the school vs. being solely responsible for them. The thought of them kinda freaked me out!  Needless to say, Home Schooling was no where on my radar.  However as Cub approached schooling age, my questions started, and to be honest I wasn't liking most the answers I got.  The political system, which I so adore (gag), had essentially bound all public schools to teach what they deemed appropriate.  I'm not convinced 'politics' and 'appropriate' should ever be used in the same sentence.  The private sector wanted to charge collegiate prices to teach my son how to spell.  If that weren't enough I had this nagging inkling that it was in "The Plan" for us.  You know "THE PLAN".... the one you fight, convinced God got the files swapped with some other woman, and surely if He knew you at all, He would not ask you to walk THIS plan out.   I've sent my complaint and question in for review, but He's playing this one close to the vest.... figures.

On second thought, I guess kids don't change EVERYTHING.   While I'd love to claim altruistic reasons behind our plans for a natural birth, this time.... "It IS all about the money money money, cha-ching, cha-ching...".  I think I caught the mid-wife a bit off guard during our first pre-natal check-up when she asked the innocent question of why we chose a birth center birth this time... my response "My last two births were fast, and if I have to grin and bare it to save $4K, well that's what I'll do".   It was quiet in the room for a couple minutes after that.  Awkward.   They seem to like me well enough now, although there was another awkward pause when she asked me today if I'd given any thought to my birth plan, and my response was "Have a baby".... apparently other people put more thought into this :).

While Kev would probably like me to adopt more fully the hippie practices and take the family closer to the vegan meal planning, I'm gonna have to warn him that dairy and meat are about the only thing separating me from dreads, flowy skirts, and Birkenstocks!

What a difference a decade makes... from 'single in the city' to hippie living w/ 3 babes and 9 years of marriage to the love of my life.    Yes God... The irony is not lost on me, thank you for pointing out the superiority of your plan.... however I'm still waiting on comment regarding your PLAN for keeping my children alive and me sane through Home Schooling.

Crickets..... Funny.... very funny.